I find it disgusting that it's only since I killed Gaballufix and refused to be Moozh's puppet that she finds me interesting. I think I was much nicer before ... before all this started.
(You were a boy then.)
I'm still a boy.
(I know. That's one of our problems. Worse yet, you're a boy who's not very good at deception, Nafai.)
But you're a whiz at it.
(You can't lead these people by relying on me to plant your ideas in their minds. On the voyage from Harmony to Earth I won't have the same power to reach into their minds that I have here. You will have to learn how to speak with them directly. Teach them to look to you for decisions.)
Elya and Meb will never be willing to accept my lead.
(Then they are expendable.)
Like Gaballufix? I'll never do that again, Oversoul. You can be sure of that - I killed once for you, but never again, never, never, don't even make me think of it, no!
(I hear you. I understand you.)
No, you don't understand. You never felt the blood on your hands. You never felt the sword cut through the flesh and hack apart the cartilage between the vertebrae. You never heard his last gasping breaths through the bloody gap in his throat.
(Through your eyes I saw, through your arms I felt, through your ears I heard.)
You never felt the... that terrible irrevocability. That there's no turning back. That he's gone, and no matter how terrible a man he was, I had no right to cut him off like that...
(You had the right because I gave it to you, and I had the right because humankind built me in order to protect the entire species, and the death of that man was necessary for the preservation of humanity on this world.)
Yes, I know, again and again you tell me.
(Again and again you reject the truth and insist on remaining in this meaningless agony of guilt.)
I ended the life of a helpless drunken man. There was no glory in that act. There was no decency. There was no cleverness or wisdom. I was not a good man when I did that.
(You were my hands, Nafai. What I needed to do, you did for me.)
They were my own hands, Oversoul. I could have said no. As I say no now, when you hint of my killing Elemak and Mebbekew. It will not happen. I will take no more lives for you.
(I'll keep that in mind as I make my plans for the future. But you can establish leadership. You must. Your father is too old and tired, and he relies on Elemak too much. He'll give in to your brother far too often, again and again he'll surrender to him, until he has no will left at all.)
So it's better that he surrenders to me?
(You won't make him surrender anything. You'll always lead through him, with great respect for him. If you lead, your father will remain a proud and powerful man. I've told you this. Now stand up and take your place.)
Not yet. This is not the time for me to challenge Elemak. We need him to lead us through the desert.
(And I tell you that he has no such qualms. At this very moment, even though he's making love to Eiadh, he is picturing you tied up and abandoned in the desert, where you'll soon discover, Nafai, that while I can influence bandits I can't do a thing about the beasts and birds of prey, the insects that think of anything that doesn't walk or fly or slither away as their next meal. They don't listen to me, they simply act out what their genes require them to do, and you will die, and what will I do then without you?)
Does he mean to act now, before we get to Father's camp?
(At last you're listening.)
What is his plan, then?
(I don't know. He never thinks of it plainly. I'm searching as best I can, but it's hard. I can't just ransack a human's memories, you know. He fears his own murderous heart so much that he won't let himself think of his whole plan openly.)
Perhaps when he's not distracted by lovemaking.
(Distracted? He's even doing this for your benefit. He thinks that you still want Eiadh, so he's hoping you notice the movement in the tent, and the noises she's making.)
It only makes me long for my watch to end, so I can go back to Luet.