Valerius lay down beside her as his buried memories surfaced. He normally did his best not to recall those last hours of his human life. To remember the first night of his immortality.
He propped himself up on his elbow as he traced circles around Tabitha's breast. He adored the fact that she wasn't body conscious. Their nudity didn't bother her in the least.
"Val?" she prompted.
She wasn't going to let him escape. Taking a deep breath, he paused his hand over her belly ring. "I killed my brothers."
Tabitha traced the line of his jaw as she felt his pain and guilt.
"They were drinking and wenching with their slaves when I arrived. I will never forget the look of terror on their faces when they saw me and realized what I was there for. I should have let them go, but I couldn't." He moved away from her with eyes that were filled with torment and pain. "What kind of man kills his own brothers?"
Tabitha sat up and caught his arm as he left the bed. "They killed you first."
"And as the old saying goes, two wrongs don't make a right. We were family and I cut them down like they were enemy strangers." He raked his hand through his hair. "I even killed my own father."
"No," she said earnestly, tightening the grip on his arm. "Zarek killed your father, not you."
He frowned at her. "How do you know that?"
"Ash told me."
His face turned to stone as he glared at her. "And did he tell you how Zarek killed him? He ran my father through with my sword. A sword I handed to him after my father begged for me to save him."
She felt his ache and wanted to give him peace. "No offense, but your father was a bastard who deserved to be butchered."
"No," he said, shaking his head. "No one deserves what happened to him. He was my father and I betrayed him. What I did was wrong. So wrong. It was just like the night when..."
Tabitha couldn't breathe as a terrible wave of guilt sliced through her. She sat up on the bed. "What, baby? What night?"
Valerius clenched his fists as he tried to block out the memories of his childhood. It was impossible.
Over and over he saw the violence, heard the screams that echoed across the centuries even now.
He had never been able to block it out.
Before he realized what he was doing, he told her what he had never told another single soul. "I was five when Kyrian died and I was there the night he came for his vengeance against my grandfather. That was how I knew what Zarek was the night he came for my father. How I knew to call out Artemis when I died. I..."
He shook his head to clear it. But it was hard. The images of the past were still crystal clear and haunting. "My grandfather had kept me up late that night to tell me how glorious it was to triumph over a worthy adversary even if it's by treachery. I was in the hall with him when we heard the horses outside reacting to something. You could feel that something evil was there. It clung to the air. Then we heard the guards shouting and dying. My grandfather pushed me into a cabinet to hide while he grabbed his sword."
Valerius winced. "There was a crack in the wood and I could see straight into the hall. I saw Kyrian come in. He was completely wild as he and my grandfather fought. My grandfather was no match for his fury. But Kyrian wasn't content to just kill him. He butchered him. Piece by piece. Inch by inch, until there was nothing left that resembled a human being at all. I kept my ears covered and choked on my sobs. I wanted to be sick, but I was terrified that Kyrian would hear me and butcher me, too.
"So I sat there like a coward in the darkness until there was complete silence in the hall. I looked and saw nothing but the red-stained floor and walls."
He raked his hand over his eyes as if to blot out the images that still tormented him. "I crept from the cabinet and remember staring at the way my grandfather's blood coated my sandals. And then I screamed until I lost my voice from the terror of it. For years, I kept thinking that if I had run for help maybe I could have saved him. That if I'd left the cabinet, I could have done something."
"You were just a child."
He refused her comfort. He knew better. "I wasn't a child when I walked away and left my father to die."
Valerius cupped her cheek in his hand. She was so beautiful. Courageous.
Unlike him, she had morals and kindness.
He had no right to touch something so precious, so priceless. "I am not a decent man, Tabitha. I have destroyed everyone I've ever touched and you... you are goodness. You have to leave while you can. Please. You can't stay with me. I'll destroy you, too. I know I will."
"Valerius," she said, taking his hand into hers. She felt his aching need to touch her. Felt his desire to keep her safe and protect her.
Pulling him into her arms, she held him quietly in the darkness. "You are a good man, Valerius Magnus. You are honor and decency, and I'll hurt anyone who says otherwise... even you."