The demon ignored him. "Where's Sasha, Astrid? He'd make good barbecue. Something about that wolf meat. Very tasty once you get all that hair off. Barbecued hair not particularly tasty, but it'll do in a pinch."
"He's not here, thankfully. But why are you here without Acheron?"
"Akri told me to come."
"Who is akri?" Zarek asked.
Simi ignored him.
"Acheron," Astrid explained. "Akri is an Atlantean term for 'lord and master.'"
He scoffed at that. "Well, la-di-da. No wonder he has such a big head, with a pet demon following him around, calling him 'lord and master.'"
Astrid gave him an agitated look. "He's not like that, Zarek, and you'd best not insult him around the Simi. She tends to take such things personally, and without Acheron here to call her off she's deadlier than a nuclear bomb."
He looked over at the small demon with new respect. "Really?"
Astrid nodded. "Her race once held dominion over the entire earth. Even the Olympian gods were terrified of the Charontes, and only the Atlanteans were ever able to defeat and harness them."
Simi looked up and gave him a wide, toothy grin that revealed her fangs evilly. She licked her lips as if savoring some tasty morsel. "I would like to barbecue those Olympian gods. They are very tasty. One day, I'm going to eat that redheaded goddess, too."
"She doesn't like Artemis," Astrid explained.
So he gathered.
"The Simi hates her, but akri says, 'No, Simi, you can't kill Artemis. Behave, Simi, don't shoot fire at her, don't make her bald, Simi.' No, no, no. It's all I hear."
She glared at Zarek meaningfully. "I don't like that word. 'No.' It even sounds evil. The Simi tends to barbecue anyone dumb enough to say it to her. But not akri. He's allowed to say no to me; I just don't like it when he does."
Zarek frowned as he watched Simi hop along from box to box like a butterfly. She exclaimed giddily when she found his store of gold and jewels that Artemis paid him with every month.
"Look!" Simi said, scooping up a handful of diamonds. "You got sparklies like akri. He gives all of his to me." She held an emerald necklace up to her throat. "He say I look beautiful in sparklies, 'specially them red ones that match my eyes. Here, Astrid," she said, bringing another necklace over to them and fastening it around Astrid's neck.
"I know you can't see it, Astrid, but it is very lovely, like you. You need to wear that and then you have sparklies, too." She looked up at Astrid's head. "But still no hornays. We need to fix you up with hornays one day so you can be a demon, too. It's fun being a demon-except when people try to exercise you... Wait, that's not the right word. I forget, but you know what I mean."
There was something strangely charismatic about her, but she didn't seem to be quite right... in more ways than one.
"Is she okay?" he asked Astrid. "I mean, no offense, she sounds more mental than I do."
Astrid laughed. "You have to remember that Acheron, shall we say, indulges her a lot and Simi's not fully grown."
"Yes I am," Simi said in a tone that reminded him of a five-year-old child. She had a peculiar singsongy accent unlike anything he'd ever heard before.
"The Simi has needs," she continued idly. "Lots of needs. I need akri's plastic card, for one thing. It very nice. People give me lots of stuff when I hand it to them. Ooo, I really like the new plastic card he gave me with my own name on it. It blue and all sparkly and it says Simi Parthenopaeus."
She looked up like a giddy child. "Doesn't that have a nice ring to it? I have to say it again. Simi Parthenopaeus. I like that a lot. It even has my picture in the corner and I am a very attractive demon if I do say so myself. Akri says it, too. 'Simi, you are beautiful.' I like it when he tells me that."
"Does she always ramble on like this?" Zarek whispered under his breath in Astrid's ear.
She nodded. "Trust me, it's wise to let her ramble, too. She gets rather upset if you tell her to be quiet. She once ate a lesser god who did that."
Simi cocked her head as if another thought came to her addled mind. "And I particularly like men all of a sudden." She looked over at Zarek who involuntarily cringed. "But not that one. He's too dark. I like them blue-eyed people 'cause they remind me of my card. People like that Calvin Klein model Travis Fimmel who was on this big billboard in New York the last time akri took me there. He mighty fine and makes me want to do things to him other than flame-broil him. He makes me all warm and tingly."
"Okay, Simi. Warm and tingly. I think we need to switch topics," Astrid said.
Zarek wasn't sure if he should feel relieved or insulted by her comments about him. But he definitely agreed a change in topic would be nice.
Astrid turned to where she thought Simi might be, but Simi had already moved.