She didn't know if he ever would.
Astrid wanted to hold him. To comfort him.
But most of all, she wanted to love him. In a way that made her ache and soar at the same time.
Would Zarek ever allow her or anyone else to love him?
"What can I say to you so you'll believe?" she asked back. "You'd laugh if I said I cared for you. You'd walk off angry if I said I loved you. So you tell me why I don't want you to die."
She felt the muscles of his jaw working underneath her hand. "I wish I could get you out of here, princess. You don't need to be with me."
"No, Zarek, I don't. But I want to be with you."
Zarek winced as she spoke the most beautiful words he'd ever heard in his life.
She amazed him. There were no walls between them now. No secrets. She knew him in a way no one ever had.
And she wasn't repulsed by him.
He didn't understand her. "I don't even want to be with me most of the time. Why do you?"
She gave him a shove. "I swear, you're like a three-year-old. Why? Why? Why? Why is the sky blue? Why are we here? Why does my dog have fur? Some things just are, Zarek. They don't have to make sense. Accept them."
"And if I can't?"
"Then you have worse problems than Thanatos wanting you dead."
He thought about that for a little while. Could he accept what she offered him?
Did he dare?
He didn't know how to be a friend. He didn't know how to laugh from pleasure or be nice.
For a man who was over two thousand years old, he really knew very little about life.
"Tell me, princess. Honestly. How are you going to judge me?"
She didn't hesitate to respond. "I'm going to acquit you if I can."
He laughed bitterly at that. "I was condemned for something I didn't do and acquitted for what I did. There's something not right about that."
"Zarek-"
"And will they accept your judgment now?" he asked, interrupting her. "You're not exactly impartial, are you?"
"I..." Astrid paused as she considered that. "They will accept it. We just have to find a way to prove to them that you are safe to be with other people."
"You don't sound too sure about that, princess."
She wasn't. Not once in all eternity had she breached the impartiality oath.
With Zarek she had.
"Lie down, Zarek," she said, pulling at his shoulder. "We both need to rest."
Zarek did as she said. To his chagrin and delight, she laid her head down on his chest and snuggled close.
He'd never held a woman like this and he found himself running his hand through her long blond hair. Spreading it out over his chest. He tilted his head so that he could look down at her.