She turned to him. “There’s more than just my heart at stake here. Hailey and Jesse are finally getting their feet beneath them. What if you wake up and realize it’s a mistake?”
“I won’t.”
“How do you know? What if it’s too much? A family is a lot of work. You’ve got all those meetings set up across the country, and this work…it’s important. Meaningful.”
“Okay, I don’t have any firsthand experience, but I was there with you and Jack. I remember how that was. I’ll make the family work. I want that with you…more than anything.”
“When I meet Jack in heaven, what will he think? I loved him. One hundred percent loved him. I don’t want to take anything from that.”
“Me neither.” Paul dropped his head. “I wish you’d trust me. Tell me what to do. I’ll do it.”
“I need time. I need to know that if we need you, you’ll be there. That we’d be the priority.”
“We’ll slow down.” He brushed a tear from her cheek. “Oh, Amanda, I never want to be the reason for your tears. Never.”
Amanda’s chest tightened. “You don’t understand. I promised myself I’d find a way to take care of us. I already messed up once.”
“Messed up? What do you mean?”
“My plan had been to start the salt business. You know about that.”
“So why didn’t you?”
“I thought I’d do it from the house, but apparently you can’t if a dog is on the property. Not even if you keep him completely out of the kitchen. I should’ve made sure before I pulled the trigger on the house.”
“No. Then I’d have bought that house and we might never have found each other again.”
He was right. “So many little things, all connected. One change and it all tumbles.”
“Or it all comes together,” Paul said. “I can set you up with space here. Heck, in every Paws Town Square location if you want it. Problem solved.”
“No, Jack, it’s not, because you solved it, not me.”
He flinched, then stood there with a somber look on his face.
“Paul? What’s wrong?”
His jaw pulsed. “You called me Jack.”
She sucked in a breath. “I’m sorry.” She turned away from him. How could I have done that? Why? “Would you please take me home?”
She couldn’t even look at him the whole ride home. She’d been so worried that he was with her because of misplaced guilt, and maybe he never was the problem. Was she the one with misplaced feelings? Am I trying to recreate the past with Jack through Paul?
25
The next morning, Hailey and Jesse crawled into bed with Amanda. She couldn’t make herself get up. There were too many things going through her mind, and as much as she didn’t want to worry the kids, she felt unsteady and unable today.
“We’re hungry, Mom.” Hailey laid a hand on Amanda’s back. “Can we have yogurt?”
“Yes, baby.” Self-pity practically drowned her. I can’t do this. “Hang on, Hailey. Come on. I’m going to take you guys to breakfast.”
Wearing sweatpants and a tank top, she drove to Tug’s Diner. She went inside and straight to the counter. “Tug, I need a favor. Can I leave these guys with you? I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important.”
“You can leave them with me anytime. They aren’t an ounce of trouble.” He came around the counter. “You two, get up on these very special stools.” They climbed up and he spun them around. “Are you ready for breakfast?”
“We’re starving,” said Hailey.
Jesse groaned melodramatically.
“Not for long.” He turned them toward the counter and waved Amanda out.
“Thank you!” She ran outside and drove straight over to Maeve’s. She meant to stop by yesterday, but then Paul came over. Now she couldn’t put it off another minute. Upstairs, she knocked on the door and waited.
The television was on. Footsteps inside plodded, too heavy to be Methuselah. As if on cue, he barked from the backyard.
Finally a middle-aged woman wearing royal-blue hospital scrubs answered the door.
That set Amanda back on her heels. “Um, I’m here to see Maeve.”
“May I tell her who is here?”
“Amanda. Is everything okay?”
“Just a second,” the woman said without answering the question. A moment later, she was back at the door and leading Amanda into the sunroom.
Maeve sat in a white chair, looking out toward the water. She looked pale dressed in a soft-blue bathrobe. Amanda had never seen Maeve wearing anything other than gem tones.
“Maeve, I was worried. I haven’t seen you, and Tug said you hadn’t been feeling well. What’s going on?” Amanda