Shelby - Mandy Harbin Page 0,95

the stuff. It would help her remember him when he was gone.

He took her sweaty hand into his, his thumb caressing her skin. “How are you healing?”

She swallowed and wondered how to best answer that.

The truth. She doubted she’d see him very often, if at all, but she’d decided he’d always get the truth from her now.

“According to the doctors, I’m healing at the normal rate. I can take deep breaths without sharp pains now, but I still ache. They won’t release me back to work until I’ve completely healed.” She shrugged and looked away, emotions coming to the surface, feelings she’d kept from everybody since the shooting. “If I decide to go back,” she whispered. She hadn’t even told Viola her thoughts about quitting.

Mason touched her chin and guided her gaze back to his. “What do you mean?” he asked softly.

“I—” She blew out a calming breath to get a stranglehold on her emotions. The last thing she wanted to do was cry in front of him. “I’m not sure I want to be an agent anymore.” It had been on the tip of her tongue to tell Viola that earlier when she’d asked about Mayflower.

“Why?”

Even though she was facing him, she couldn’t look into his eyes. She focused on the ceiling instead. “I don’t know about anything anymore. I trusted Darrell with my life and he—” She blinked several times, forcing the tears back. When she felt somewhat in control, she looked at Mason again. “I feel lost. I don’t know any other way to explain it.”

It wasn’t just what Darrell had done to her. It was how the bureau used her—putting her into an impossible situation on one hand, and lying to her on the other. She also felt lost when it came to Mason, though she didn’t want to go into those details.

“That’s understandable. I think that’s a normal reaction when someone you care about breaks your trust.”

Her eyes shut, blocking out his pain, but a single tear escaped anyway. He swiped it away.

“I’m so sorry,” she breathed. “I didn’t…I mean…”

“Look at me.” When she did, he put his hand back on her cheek and caressed her face. “I’m sorry, too. I confronted you out of anger, used the trust you had in me to exact punishment. That was uncalled for.”

“Please don’t take any blame for that. You were angry.”

“I was fucking furious.” He narrowed his eyes.

“As you should be,” she whispered. He had every right to feel the way he did. She did not begrudge him that.

“I was, but I’m not now.” She gaped at him. How could that be? Maybe he was at his own stage of acceptance like Viola was discovering. Shelby wasn’t there yet. Her life was a mess, and she didn’t have anyone to blame but herself…and depending on who she asked, she had no blame to harbor. She had a job to do, like her brother had just told her and like Rick had said several times, reminding her of the professional she was. “I’ve been thinking about a lot of things the last month, and what I keep coming back to is the fact I don’t want to be angry anymore. I’ve taken the time I needed to accept what has happened.”

She stared at him, dumbfounded.

“There are still some things I need to work out, but I’d like your help answering the questions that have been plaguing me.”

“You can ask me anything you want.” She knew she should show more discretion, but she didn’t care.

“Have you ever been topped before?”

She blinked a few times, processing his question. This wasn’t the direction she’d anticipated this conversation going. Slowly shaking her head, she said, “No. You were my first.”

“Did you like it?”

“Yes.” When she’d parsed out all the reasons why she’d been set on this path and all of the emotion that evolved, looking only at what she experienced sexually, she knew at the core it had been a freeing experience.

He seemed to mull that over. “Is it something you want to continue?”

With him? The thought slammed into her. This was a scenario she hadn’t allowed herself to even think about. Was he specifically asking about the two of them or was this more of a hypothetical question? She couldn’t be sure. She settled on the truth again without staking any claims. “I’ve thought a lot about it.”

He smiled. “Avoiding the question, pet?”

Her heart skittered at the endearment. “No, Sir. It’s one of the many things I’ve felt lost about.”

“I see.