"Leave it. Please," he begged. "In the end, it isn't worth anything."
"It isn't failure, not if Byzantium survives. And Michael will win that, if anyone can."
"At the cost of the Church?" he asked with disbelief. "Go home, Anna," he whispered. "Please. Be safe. I want to think of you healing people, living to be old and wise, and knowing that you did it well."
The tears blinded her. He had paid so much to give her that chance. And she had made him a promise she knew she could not keep.
"You won't, will you?" he said, touching the tears on her cheek.
"I can't. I don't know that they aren't still planning to kill Michael. Demetrios is a Vatatzes, and a Doukas through Eirene. He could try for the throne. If Michael were dead, and Andronicus, he might have a chance, especially with crusaders at the gates."
He gripped her harder, his hands tight on her shoulders. "I know that! I think he might have taken over once Bessarion had got rid of Michael for him anyway."
"And you," she added. "You're a Lascaris!"
The key sounded in the lock.
Justinian pushed her away.
She wiped her hand across her cheek to get rid of the tears and forced herself to steady her voice.
"Thank you, Brother Justinian. I shall carry your message back to Constantinople." She made the sign of the cross in the Orthodox fashion, smiled at him once, briefly. Then she followed the monk out into the corridor, feeling her way rather than seeing it.
Sixty-four
THE JOURNEY BY CARAVAN FROM ST. CATHERINE'S BACK to Jerusalem took fifteen days again. Apparently it always did, whatever one had negotiated.
This time, Anna stared at the stark magnificence of the desert around her with different emotions. It was still beautiful. The shadings ran from black through a hundred shades of umber and gray. In daylight the blue was scorched with the dull ocher of dust on the wind, sometimes raw-edged with cold. Now it was indelible in her heart with the terrible price Justinian had paid for his error, and then to put it right.
She ignored the physical exhaustion, the ache in her body from the hardness of the ground on which she slept.
Had she been in Justinian's place, she might so easily have done exactly the same, if she had had the courage. Bessarion would have been a disaster as emperor, but he was too arrogant to see it, and the others were too far committed to accept such a bitter truth.
Except perhaps Demetrios. Was Justinian right, and he had planned to kill not only Michael and Andronicus, but perhaps Bessarion also? What irony that would have been! The archconspirator to turn against them as soon as the murder of Michael was accomplished, kill Bessarion and claim to restore order, then step into the breach himself, the hero of the hour!
And would he have got rid of Justinian as well? Because as a Lascaris, he was a threat. Then there would be nobody left but himself. Demetrios would console the widow, poor Helena, and in due course marry her and combine the families of Comnenos, Doukas, and Vatatzes in one glorious dynasty.
Were they still plotting? That was something she needed to know, because she realized with some surprise that she was wholeheartedly behind Michael. He was the only hope the city had now.
She arrived back in Jerusalem windburned and exhausted, her bones aching, but she had no time to rest. She must take the next caravan back to Acre and meet Giuliano on the ship. Carefully she counted out what was left of Zoe's money. She smiled. It must have hurt Zoe to change it from gold byzants into Venetian ducats. She could not afford to spend it all yet; she would need to wait in Acre if the ship was late. She would need food and lodging. But she knew that walking for another five days was beyond her physical strength.
She had learned a few tactics since last time and considerably sharper words since her stay in Jerusalem and her journey to Sinai and back. The deal was made, and she rode an awkward and highly ill-tempered mule all the way to Acre. Before they arrived there, the beast had discovered that she too could be stubborn and awkward if she chose. Secretly, she thought that they had gained some mutual respect and was quite sorry to part with it. She spent a few coins on buying it a treat of bread dipped in