I was wearing the crown. Pulling it off, I threaded my left arm through it, propping the crown on my shoulder to carry. It felt good there.
After a bit, the angel said, “You did not take the path I expected.”
“Yeah. Drowning myself. Who’d’a thunk it? Surprised me too. Am I dead?”
“No. Not yet.”
“Okay. Sooo. What am I doing here?”
“You are in your soul home,” he said, stating the obvious. “The place where you first changed your shape and became We-sa. Bobcat. The place where you were welcomed into your clan. Where you fulfilled the genetic call to walk in the skin of animals.”
“Wait. No.” I plucked the clothing. Dry. Not stuff I owned. “Nope. Not reality. The rift did not take me to the actual cave.”
Hayyel chuckled. His laughter warmed me to my toes and rang through the darkness. Angel magic. “No,” he said. “This is no miracle or loop of time. This is your brain, taking you where you need to go, to your beginning. To your own origination story.”
Interesting choice of terms. “Like the origination story of the shadow.”
He nodded, clasping his hands behind his back as we walked. The sound of the waterfall fell behind. “Shimon and Yosace sacrificed their sister to bring back their father. Shimon ate her and took in her soul. You and your Beast sacrificed yourselves twice, the first time to survive together, becoming two-souled. And just now, the second time, to keep others alive. It is not exact, of course, but there are parallels. Your life has been one of violence, of death and war and pain. You are dying. And you have chosen a remarkable way forward.”
“The beloved woman was adaptable. War women have to be to survive.”
Hayyel glanced sidelong at me, amused. “You gave me the head of your enemy. I took her spirit to the other side.”
“Hell? Heaven?”
He unclasped his hands and flipped one back and forth. “Judgment is not my responsibility. But your choice was unforeseen.”
“I can’t see how. What else was I supposed to do with the spirit head of the shadow?”
“I expected you to kill the vampire and feed the soul of the shadow to your weapon.”
He meant the Glob, the thing that absorbed magic and stored it. I had no idea where the energies went when the Glob absorbed them. Which was kinda scary. As scary as where the death-magic energies went when Molly used her power. Maybe they went to the same place. I grunted, a sound that might have meant anything.
We entered the main cave, the roof in a dome above us, stalagmites and stalactites rising and falling, the few columns where they met holding up the roof. A fire burned in the fire pit, smoke rising, smelling of hickory and cedar. The fire was warm, which was a surprise. There was a pitcher made of fired clay and a wood ladle. A war drum, like the one from the sweathouse. A basket of dried and fresh herbs rested near the drum. A large, elliptical stone, flat on top, with a long stone channel down the middle, rested beside it, a rounded stone in the groove. It was a hand mill used to grind grain or macerate nuts. To the other side was a much smaller mortar and pestle for grinding herbs. Wood and kindling were stacked in the shadows.
A pile of deer hides were folded nearby. Packs were lined against the walls. Cured-hide water bags hung near the far wall, some wet and dripping. I turned to the fire and saw Beast, lying on her belly, resting, head up, ears pricked, looking into the dark. She wasn’t dead, at least not in my vision.
“I’m not sure why I’m here,” I said. “I’m even less sure why you’re here. And even more so, I’m not sure whose side you’re on.”
Hayyel laughed, that joyous sound that quavered along my nerves the way vampire laughter did. Odd thought that, a comparison for a later time. “You thought I was a watcher?” he asked.
“I thought you were one of the fallen.”
That sobered him fast. “Few of us have autonomy. Guardians are among the few.”
“You’re saying you’re my guardian angel?”
At my disbelieving tone, he gave me that amused expression again. “No. I am guardian to many, including Angelina Everhart Trueblood, but in this place, I am Beast’s guardian.”
I opened my mouth and shut it. Started to speak again and didn’t. I sat and added wood to the fire. Warmth from the flames heated my