Shatter Me - Tahereh Mafi Page 0,72

says to me. Hushed. Quiet.

I’ve searched the world for all the right words and my mouth is full of nothing.

“It’s never enough,” he whispers. “I can never do enough. He still wakes up screaming. He still cries himself to sleep. He sees things I can’t control.” He blinks a million times.

“So many people, Juliette.”

I hold my breath.

“Dead.”

I touch the word on his lips and he kisses my fingers. His eyes are two pools of perfection, open, honest, humble. “I don’t know what to do,” he says, and it’s like a confession that costs him so much more than I can understand. Control is slipping through his fingers and he’s desperate to hold on. “Tell me what to do. ”

I can hear our heartbeats in the silence between us. I study the shape of his lips, the strong lines of his face, the eyelashes any girl would kill for, the deep dark blue of the eyes I’ve learned to swim in. I offer him the only possibility I have. “Kenji’s plan might be worth considering.”

“You trust him?” Adam leans back, surprised.

“I don’t think he’s lying about knowing a place we can go.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“Why not . . . ?”

Something that might not be a laugh. “I might kill him before we even get there.”

My lips twist into a sad smile. “There isn’t any other place for us to hide, is there?”

The sun is revolving around the moon when he responds. He shakes his head. Once. Fast. Tight.

I squeeze his hand. “Then we have to try.”

“What the hell are you doing in there?” Kenji shouts through the door. Pounds it a couple times. “I mean, shit, man, I don’t think there’s ever a bad time to get naked, but now is probably not the best time for a nooner. So unless you want to get killed, I suggest you get your ass out here. We have to get ready to go.”

“I might kill him right now,” Adam changes his mind.

I take his face in my hands, tip up on my toes and kiss him. His lips are 2 pillows, so soft, so sweet. “I love you.”

He’s looking into my eyes and looking at my mouth and his voice is a husky whisper. “Yeah?”

“Absolutely.”

The 3 of us are packed and ready to go before James comes home from school. Adam and I collected the most important basic necessities: food, clothes, money Adam saved up. He keeps looking around the small space like he can’t believe he’s lost it so easily. I can only imagine how much work he put into it, how hard he tried to make a home for his little brother. My heart is in pieces for him.

His friend is an entirely different species.

Kenji is nursing new bruises, but seems in reasonable spirits, excited for reasons I can’t fathom. He’s oddly resilient and upbeat. It seems impossible to discourage him and I can’t help but admire his determination. But he won’t stop staring at me.

“So how come you can touch Adam?” he says after a moment.

“I don’t know.”

He snorts. “Bull.”

I shrug. I don’t feel the need to convince him that I have absolutely no idea how I got so lucky.

“How’d you even know you could touch him? Some kind of sick experiment?”

I hope I’m not blushing. “Where’s this place you’re taking us?”

“Why are you changing the subject?” He’s grinning. I’m sure he’s grinning. I refuse to look at him, though. “Maybe you can touch me, too. Why don’t you try?”

“You don’t want me to touch you.”

“Maybe I do.” He’s definitely grinning.

“Maybe you should leave her alone before I put that bullet back in your leg,” Adam offers.

“I’m sorry—is a lonely man not allowed to make a move, Kent? Maybe I’m actually interested. Maybe you should back the hell off and let her speak for herself.”

Adam runs a hand through his hair. Always the same hand. Always through his hair. He’s flustered. Frustrated. Maybe even embarrassed.

“I’m still not interested,” I remind him, an edge to my voice.

“Yes, but let’s not forget that this”—he motions to his battered face—“is not permanent.”

“Well, I’m permanently uninterested.” I want so badly to tell him that I’m unavailable. I want to tell him that I’m in a serious relationship. I want to tell him that Adam’s made me promises.

But I can’t.

I have no idea what it means to be in a relationship. I don’t know if saying “I love you” is code for “mutually exclusive,” and I don’t know if Adam was