Shameless - Sybil Bartel Page 0,65

my element because I’d never actually cared what a guy thought of me, I couldn’t stop the destructive words from coming out of my mouth. “Oh, but if your stupid generator was working and your bedroom window wasn’t full of holes, you’d be super glad to keep me. You’d let me stay then, is that it?” I belligerently challenged.

“Watch it,” he warned, glaring at me.

“Whatever.” He didn’t say he wanted me to stay, and that was all the proof I needed. But I hated this. I hated him being pissed off at me. I hated this whole fucking situation and I hated the stupid, stupid audience we had more than the dead bodies lying around, and that was a blinding reality check I couldn’t ignore. “You want me out of here? Fine, I’m out of here. Fix your own stupid bleeding neck.” I didn’t wait for whatever derogatory comment he was going to throw at me, or worse, his silence. I trudged to the Escalade.

Ronan had left the vehicle running, and I got in, but the second I was in the warmth of the heated SUV, I wanted to break down in tears. Ronan didn’t immediately come back and by the time I watched him retrieve my suitcases from the Escalade in Shade’s garage, I wanted to run back to Shade and throw myself at his mercy because I regretted everything.

And I couldn’t stop myself from repeatedly glancing over to where a surly six-and-a-half-foot bodyguard was crouched by a generator. But not once did he look up. Not even when Ronan got behind the wheel and silently handed me my purse and the cell phone I’d given to Shade a lifetime ago.

“Ready?” Ronan quietly asked after putting on his seatbelt.

Looking away from where Shade was still working on the generator, I angled toward the window and lied. “Yeah.”

Turning the SUV around, Ronan slowly started us down the steepest part of Shade’s driveway and I couldn’t stop myself.

I glanced one last time at Shade.

As if he knew the moment I looked for him, his head came up and his gaze locked on to mine.

My breath caught, my heart stopped and I didn’t think. My hand went to the window, palm flat.

Warrior still, winter falling all around him, Shade didn’t so much as blink.

With the Escalade’s chained tires maintaining traction even though the snow was deeper than when we’d come up here, Ronan drove us down the mountain road.

I didn’t grip the handle above the door.

I didn’t hold my breath as another bodyguard who didn’t smell like gun powder and musk maneuvered the switchbacks.

I didn’t notice that the man in the driver seat didn’t banter or smile or say a single word.

I didn’t even care if we went over the edge and plummeted to our deaths.

My heart was up on a mountain, and I was sinking faster than our altitude.

I didn’t realize I was silently crying until Ronan turned off of Shade’s mountain road and spoke.

“When the perfect comes, the partial will come to an end.” His tone even, his voice quiet but full of a type of depth I couldn’t explain, Ronan’s words broke the silence like that first bullet into Shade’s bedroom shattered the glass.

I swiped at my face. “What is that, a quote?”

“The Bible. Corinthians,” he answered in the same quiet manner that was completely opposite of Shade.

“You’re religious?” I’d never been to a church in my life.

“No.” No intonation in his voice, I couldn’t read anything behind his words like I could with Shade.

“But you know enough to quote it.” I didn’t know why I was pushing the point or even engaging with him. My heart was crushed. I couldn’t stop the panicked notion that was choking all reason, telling me I’d made the worst mistake of my life. And I wanted to be in Shade’s arms so bad I was fighting the urge to tell Ronan to turn around with every breath.

“It’s appropriate,” Ronan added vaguely.

Falling apart and exhausted, I was foolish enough to ask. “Appropriate for what?”

Turning to look at me with his piercing eyes, Ronan spared me a glance. “You.”

Suddenly uncomfortable in his presence, I faced the window. “I don’t know what that means.” I didn’t want to know.

Quietly, and without emotion, Ronan the substitute bodyguard told me anyway. “If he is right for you, nothing else will matter.”

WHAT FELT LIKE A LIFETIME later, Ronan drove into the underground parking of my building and pulled into the space next to my Maserati.

Putting the Escalade in