Shakespeares Trollop Page 0,44

to the Singles Sunday-school class at First Methodist, and he'd be home at twelve-fifteen, right after church. He'd change and then drive over to his mother's house for midday Sunday dinner; it would be pot roast and carrots and mashed potatoes, or baked chicken and dressing and sweet potatoes. I knew all that. I'd spent over four years learning this town and these people, making a place for myself here.

Before Jack and I even began our conversation, I knew I wasn't ready to leave. True, I had no family here in Shakespeare; true, I could clean houses as well in Dubuque (or Little Rock) as I could in Shakespeare. And true, my business had suffered a lot in the past year. But I'd won some kind of battle here in Shakespeare, and I wanted to stay, at least for now. I began to tense in anticipation of a fight.

"I don't have to live in Little Rock," Jack said. I deflated as though he'd stuck a pin in me.

"I do a lot of my work by computer anyway," he continued, looking at me intently. "Of course, I'd still need to be in Little Rock part of the time. I can keep my apartment up there, or find a smaller, cheaper one. That'd be more to the point."

We were being so careful with each other.

"So you want to live with me here in Shakespeare," I said, to be absolutely sure I was hearing him right.

"Yes," he said. "What do you think?"

I thought of what I'd done yesterday. I closed my eyes and wished a lightning bolt would hit me now, to prevent me from ever telling Jack. But that didn't happen. We'd always been honest with each other.

"I kissed someone else," I said. "I won't let you hit me, but if it'll help you feel better, you can break something."

"You kissed someone," he said.

I couldn't look at his face. "It was an after-funeral thing."

"You didn't go to bed with ... ?"

"No." Did I really need to elaborate? Hadn't I been honest enough? Yes, I decided.

I stole a glimpse at Jack. I saw Jack's face tighten. Instead of hitting something, he looked like he himself had been hit. He was gripping the edge of the table.

"Is this someone... would this happen again?" he asked finally, his voice very hoarse.

"No," I told him. "Never."

Gradually, his grip on the table relaxed. Gradually, his face looked human.

"How old are you, Lily?" he asked, out of the blue.

"Thirty-one," I said. "Thirty-two, soon."

"I'm thirty-six." He took a deep breath. "We've both been through some times."

I nodded. Our names still cropped up in the news every now and then. ("After a brutal gang rape mirroring that of Memphis resident Lily Bard's, a Pine Bluff woman was admitted to University Hospital..." or "Today Undercover Officer Lonny Todd was dismissed from the Memphis police force after charges he had an improper relationship with an informant. Todd is the latest in a string of dismissals in the past four years on similar charges, beginning with the firing of Officer Jack Leeds, whose relationship with the wife of a fellow officer led to her murder.")

"This is the best I've ever had it," Jack said. He was turning white as a sheet, but he went on. "You had a..." and he floundered there, stuck for a word.

"I had a moment of sheer stupidity."

"Okay." He smiled, and it wasn't a funny smile. "You had a moment of stupidity. But it won't ever happen again, because you said it wouldn't and you always keep your word."

I hadn't ever thought of myself as the epitome of honor, but it was true that I kept my word. I was trying not to be surprised that Jack was being so calm and level about this.

He seemed to be waiting.

"I said it wouldn't," I repeated. "And I always keep my word."

Jack seemed to relax just a little. He gave himself a little shake, picked up his fork and took a bite of his pancake. "Just don't ever tell me who," he said, not looking at me.

"You're getting so wise." Jack had a real problem with impulse control.

"It's taken me long enough." But his smile this time was a real smile. "So, you never answered me."

I took a deep breath. "Yes. I want you to move in. Do you think we'll have enough room here?"

"Could I put an office in the exercise room?"

A little stunned by how easily it had been settled, I nodded silently. I'd hung a punch-and-kick bag in