Shake The Frost (Crystal Lake #6) - Juliana Stone Page 0,40

eventually be okay. He loved me, I know he did, but Rick loved himself more.”

Her voice trailed off because she wasn’t exactly sure she could say the things buried deep inside her.

“It’s why he could leave my bed and screw Trudy Styles or Megan Roth or any of the women he fucked the entire time we were together. It’s why he could come home and lie and say he was fishing with the boys and time got away from him. It’s why he could tell me he loved me and go about his life as if he wasn’t the biggest cheater ever in the history of cheating. And it’s why I was so angry with you for the longest time, because I knew you were aware. How could you not be? I saw it in your eyes when you looked at me, or the way you didn’t look at me while offering up some lame excuse as to why Rick wasn’t home yet or why he’d been spotted at a restaurant with some blonde. You covered for him. I was pissed that you chose him over me, but I get it. I mean, you two were best friends since you were in diapers. You loved him like I did, and I’m guessing a part of you didn’t want to hurt me. Didn’t want to be the one responsible for that kind of pain.”

“I had no idea you knew any of that stuff,” he said slowly, and she saw his confusion. His concern. “Why didn’t you say anything? Why’d you let him treat you like that?”

“I don’t know.” It was a brutal and short and honest answer that didn’t answer anything. “Daddy issues? A mom who didn’t care enough? Insecurity? It could be any of those or all of them. Thing is? It doesn’t matter anymore. The why of it. I’m done living in the past. I don’t want to think about what could have been or what actually happened or why I did or didn’t do something.”

Was she brave enough to say what it was she had to say?

“We’re more than friends, Ethan. We always have been, and I think you’ve struggled with it the same way I did. Now you’ve told me you wanted to build a life together. That this child we’ve created is our family. Tonight, when I got that phone call from Molly telling me you’d been in an accident, my world stopped spinning. My heart stopped working. My eyes couldn’t see. I saw a future without you, and it was dark. It’s not a future I want. So we’ll make this work in whatever way we can. We can raise this child and do it successfully in whatever way we choose.

“But I can’t be second best anymore. I can’t be the afterthought, or the icing on the cake. We can’t be together and sleep in the same bed, you and I, unless you want me for me and not because I’m carrying your child, or you’re looking to right some kind of wrong that only you know about.” She stopped and thought about what to say and how to say it, because she knew she needed to get this right.

“We don’t have to have some big romance or the kind of love that goes along with that. But we need something more than what we have. You are a good man, and I think…” Her words caught at the back of her throat, hung up on feelings and thoughts and emotions. “I think you have feelings for me. I think they could be enough for us. But I can’t be with you in the way you want until I know for certain that your feelings aren’t twisted up in the guilt that eats at you every single day. I can’t be that for anyone, not ever again.”

Bilbo barked, and she jumped, a little shaky and a whole lot drained from the night. “The day of the accident, Rick was upset when he left here. We had the biggest fight of our lives. You’re not the only one who carries guilt, and one day, when it feels right, I’ll tell you why.” She slowly exhaled, feeling strange, kind of foggy. “The blankets are in the cupboard.”

Emily turned and headed for her bedroom and slipped between her covers, hugging Bilbo close when the dog burrowed in beside her. There was freedom in laying things on the line. In exposing yourself and being honest. For finally admitting the