Shadow Kiss Page 0,98

not in a romantic kind of way. She just thought he was nice. He did things like that all the time, helping her out while still doing an excellent job in his duties. His motives weren't romantic, either. He was just one of those rare guys who could be both a gentleman and a badass. She had plans for him.

"Have you ever thought about asking Rose out?"

"What?" he asked.

What? I thought.

"You guys just have so much in common," she said, trying to sound casual. Inside, she was excited. She thought this was the best idea in the world. For me, it was one of those moments where being in her mind was being too close to her. I would rather have been standing beside her so I could shake some sense into her.

"She's just my friend," he laughed, his face taking on kind of a cute shyness. "And I don't think we'd actually be that compatible. Besides ..." His expression fell. "I could never go out with Mason's girlfriend."

Lissa started to say what I always told her, that I hadn't actually been Mason's girlfriend. Wisely, she instead chose to let Eddie keep believing the best. "Everyone has to move on sometime."

"It hasn't been that long, not really. Just over a month. And it's not really something you get over quickly." His eyes had a sad, faraway look that hurt both Lissa and me.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to make it sound like something small. What you saw - I know it was horrible."

"You know what's weird? I actually don't remember much of it. And that's what's horrible. I was so drugged out that I had no idea what was going on. I hate that - you have no idea. Being helpless like that... it's the worst thing in the world."

I felt the same way. I think it was a guardian thing. Eddie and I had never talked about it, though. We'd never even talked about Spokane much.

"It wasn't your fault," Lissa told him. "Strigoi endorphins are strong. You couldn't have fought against them."

"I should have tried harder," he countered, holding the door to her dorm open. "If I'd been even a little more conscious ... I don't know. Mason might still be alive."

Eddie and I, I realized, should both have been in therapy as soon as we got back from winter break. I finally understood why everyone said blaming myself for Mason's death was irrational. Eddie and I were both holding ourselves responsible for things that had been beyond our control. We were torturing ourselves with guilt we didn't deserve.

"Hey, Lissa. Come here."

The serious subject was put on hold as Jesse and Ralf waved at her from across the dorm's lobby. My defenses immediately went up. So did hers. She didn't like them any better than I did.

"What's this about?" asked Eddie warily.

"I don't know," she muttered, walking over. "I hope it's fast."

Jesse gave her a dazzling smile, one that I had once found really hot. Now I saw it for the fake piece of crap it was. "How's it going?" he asked.

"It's going tired," she replied. "I need to get to bed. What's up?"

Jesse looked over at Eddie. "Would you give us a little privacy?" Eddie looked at Lissa. She nodded, and Eddie backed up enough to be out of earshot but still watch her. When he was gone, Jesse said, "We have an invitation for you."

"To what, a party?"

"Kind of. It's a group ..." Ralf wasn't so good with words, and Jesse took over again.

"More than a group. It's only for elite people." He gestured around. "You and me and Ralf... we're not like a lot of other Moroi. We're not even like a lot of other royals. We have concerns and issues that we need to take care of." I thought it was funny that he'd include Ralf. Ralf's royalty came from his mother, a Voda, so he didn't even carry one of the royal names, even if he technically had the blood.

"It sounds kind of ... snobby," she said. "No offense. Thanks for the offer, though." That was Lissa. Always polite, even to creeps like these.

"You don't understand. We aren't just sitting around. We're working to get things done. We're - " he hesitated and then spoke more softly, " - working on ways to get our voices out there, to make people see our way no matter what."

Lissa gave an uncomfortable laugh. "Sounds like compulsion."

"So?"

I couldn't see her face, but I could