saw Zurvan inside, and I came in and stood before him.
" 'Sit down,' he said. 'Tell me why you opened the front door of my house, instead of merely walking through it.'
" 'I didn't know that I could walk through it. I was flesh. You said come to you in flesh. Are you angry with me? I was distracted by the spirits. I saw the spirits everywhere and I had not seen such a spectacle . . .'
" 'Hush, I didn't ask you for all of your thoughts, I merely asked why you didn't walk through the door. Now even when you are most solid, you can walk through the door. You can pass through it, because that which makes you solid is not what makes it solid. You understand? Now, disappear and reappear here. No one will notice. The tavern's half-empty. Go ahead.'
"I did this. It was exhilarating, like stretching all my limbs and laughing and then coming back into this solid form.
"He had a much more cheerful expression on his face and now he wanted to hear what I had seen. I told him. Then he asked, 'When you were a living man, you saw spirits, didn't you? Answer without thinking or trying to remember.'
" 'Yes,' I said. This was painful and I could recall no details. I didn't want to. I felt a sense of betrayal and hate.
" 'I knew it,' he said with a sigh. 'Cyrus told me this, but he was so vague and diplomatic in his language, it was impossible for me to be sure. Cyrus has some special love for you and sense of obligation to you. Look, we're going to go into the realm of the spirits. That's best, to go so that you know what it is. But listen first:
" 'Every magician you will ever know will have a different map of the spirit terrain. He will have a different notion of what spirits are and why they behave the way they do. But essentially, what you will see on any spirit journey is the same.'
" 'So you want some wine, Master?' I asked. 'Your cup is empty.' " 'Whatever made you interrupt me with that question?' he asked. " 'You're thirsty,' I said. 'I know because you are.' " 'What am I going to do with you? How am I going to make you pay attention?'
"I turned and gestured for the wine boy, who came at once and filled my Master's cup. He asked me if I wanted anything, treating me with great deference, more deference even than he had shown my Master. I realized it was my ornate clothing, this great Babylonian show of jewels and embroidery and my formal hair and beard.
" 'No,' I said. I felt sad that I had no money to bestow on him but then I saw several shekels of silver lying on the table. I gave this to him, and he went away.
"When I looked at Zurvan, he was sitting there resting on his elbows merely studying me. 'I think I understand it,' he said.
" 'What in particular?' I asked.
" 'You weren't made or born to obey anyone. The whole Canaan-He ritual outlined on the tablet-'
'Must you talk of that disgusting tablet!' 'Hush! Did you never have an elder in your life, never a teacher, a father, a king? Stop interrupting me. And listen to me. Ye gods don't you realize, Azriel, you cannot die now! I can teach you what will help you! Don't be so impertinent and stop letting your mind wander. Now! Listen.'
"I nodded. I felt tears spring to my eyes. I felt shame that I'd angered him, and drew a silk napkin out of my robe and blotted my eyes. There was water there I think. Water.
" 'Ah, so that's it! I became angry and that makes you obey.'
" 'Could I leave you if I wished?'
" 'Probably so, but you'd be a fool to do it! Now pay attention. What was I saying to you before you decided that I should have a drink of wine?'
" 'You said that different magicians would outline the spirit world in different ways, and they would give the spirits different names and attributes.'
"He seemed perfectly astonished by this response! I couldn't quite tell why. But it was highly acceptable to him.
" 'Yes, precisely. Now do as I say. Look around you. Look in the tavern and into the agora, look out there into the sun. See the spirits. Don't speak to them or