Series Starter Firsts in Series Collection - Kaylee Ryan Page 0,215

the last year, but it’s time for me to go.”

“You can’t go. I need you,” I say again.

“No, you don’t. I’m going to go pack a few things and spend the night at Mom and Dad’s. The sooner I start this transition, the better.”

Her words cut through me. I was just about to tell her how much I love her, but she doesn’t love me like that. She cares about me and this is sad for her, but it’s not tearing her heart out of her chest like it is mine.

I don’t say anything. I can’t even look at her for fear I will drop to my knees and beg her to stay, beg her to live the rest of her life with us. She stands from the couch and I turn my head. I listen as her footsteps disappear up the stairs. My blurry gaze locks on Lexington and my chest aches for my little girl. She loves McKinley just as much as I do, and she’s leaving. It doesn’t matter what I say…she’s ending this. I knew it would happen, but I didn’t know it would feel like this—like I can’t breathe, like my heart is physically broken into pieces.

I don’t even know how much time passes when she stops in front of me. “I’m leaving. I’ll be back off and on over the next few days to move the rest of my stuff.” I still don’t look at her. “Please give her a hug and a kiss for me when you tuck her in tonight.” Her voice breaks, but I still refuse to look at her.

I can’t.

“Goodbye,” she whispers.

Chapter 55

McKinley

I can’t breathe. Luckily, the drive to my parents’ house is less than five minutes, because I can’t see.

When I pull into the drive, Aaron and my parents are sitting on the front porch. One look at me and they know something’s not right.

“What happened? Are Evan and Lexi okay?” Aaron asks, meeting me at the bottom step.

I don’t answer him. Instead, I throw my arms around him and sob. “Shhh, McKinley, you have to calm down.” He rubs my back, trying to soothe me.

“They’re fine, but it’s over. He doesn’t need me anymore,” I cry.

“I find that hard to believe,” Aaron says. He picks me up and carries me into the house. We sit down on the couch, and I pull the blanket from the back and wrap up in it. “Tell me what happened.”

“CPS came today and they dropped their case. As of about an hour ago, there is no threat of him losing Lexi, so I left.”

“I see. Did he try to stop you?”

“Of course, he did. He doesn’t want to be alone. He’s afraid he can’t do it without me, and he can. He loves that little girl so much.”

“He does,” Aaron agrees. “What did he say when you left?”

“He said that he…that he needed me.”

“You don’t believe him?”

“No, I don’t. He doesn’t need me anymore. He knows how to take care of her. I told him I would still watch her and come by to visit, but I thought it was best if I leave.”

“Come here.” Aaron pulls me into a hug and another round of sobs break free. I can hear him talking to our parents, but I can’t make out what they are saying. I lose myself in the pain that is buried deep in my chest. I thought I could handle this.

I cry on my big brother’s shoulders, taking comfort in his embrace. “He thinks he needs me, Aaron. He doesn’t. He’s never really had to do it alone. I’ve always been there swooping in to save him. I did it when I found out about Misty’s parents and he let me. He thinks he can’t do this on his own, but he can. I had to leave so he could see that,” I explain.

“What if you’re wrong? What if he does need you?” he asks.

“I guess only time will tell, but I don’t know if I can do it. I love him, Aaron. With all that I am, I love him and I don’t know if I can pretend and play this charade anymore. I’ll do anything for him, help him with Lexi any way I can, but I had to leave.”

“Okay,” he says, hearing I’m upset. “Let’s sleep on it and see how you feel in the morning.”

I agree and head up to my room. The bed is cold and lonely. I miss him. I miss them both