about the dream he thought might carry him away from all that haunted him.
He took his time to answer, and worry began to nibble. “You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to.”
“Don’t do that,” he said, a tad sharply.
“What?”
“Treat me like shattered glass. I won’t break.” He stopped, and I did too. “You’re not that girl.” He curled some of my hair behind my ear. “You’re the girl who gets mad, asks me the hard questions even if I don’t want to answer them, and gives me hell when I do something you don’t like.”
“Those were different times.”
He licked his lips, inching closer. “Different times, maybe, but we’re the same people, Clover. If you want to ask something, ask. In fact, I’ve been waiting weeks for you to.”
I pushed his hand down and continued walking. “You could’ve been more forthcoming yourself.”
“Not when I’m not sure if you’re ready for that.”
I nodded, and we walked in silence until we’d reached the street’s end.
“It’s every runaway’s dream,” he said, his voice soft but carrying in the still night. “Escapism at its best. But a lot of hard work too.”
We wound around the corner, the sidewalk bathed a dull orange from the streetlights.
“The late nights, shit money—that’s if you get paid anything—the constant traveling on a putrid smelling bus. And when we found a place that paid for regular shows, well, that was great, but I didn’t want to stay in any one place too long.”
“You’d start drinking more,” I cut in as gently as possible.
“Mmm, exactly. And with the drinking came the wildness. We all did it, sure. But I can’t remember many nights, if I’m being honest.” He slowed to light a cigarette.
“Does that scare you?”
“It didn’t then.” Breathing out a puff of smoke, he tucked his lighter and packet into his jacket pocket. “But now that I’m looking back? Fuck yeah. It sickens me.”
I didn’t want to ask what I needed to, but he did say not to sugarcoat. “Have you been tested?”
“Clover,” he said, coughing. “Shit, warn me before you drop bombs.”
I didn’t laugh. “You said to ask whatever I wanted to.”
“I did.” He sighed, clearing his throat before taking another drag. “And yeah, got tested about two weeks ago. But I never fucked without protection.”
“How would you know if you were always shitfaced?”
“Warranted, but do you really wanna know those specifics?”
I gave him a look.
Chuckling, he raked a hand through his tangled locks. “Fine. Besides the fact I just know, I’d see the evidence the next day. Either on the floor, seats of the bus, or in the trash if I was classy enough. But Clover, you—”
“Everett.” I couldn’t hear that.
“It’s fucked up, but you were who I thought of each and every time, and so knowing I couldn’t have you but still not wanting to risk fucking up, it was kind of just ingrained in me.”
“That’s… God, there are no words.” I choked out a sad attempt at a laugh. “That you could just sleep with anyone while I barely looked at another guy until Aiden.”
Now standing outside my place, he slipped his hand around mine and turned me to him. “You and me, we were never supposed to happen. Hell, I’m still pinching myself every day I wake up in this tiny ass town, knowing I’m in the same place as you.”
His hold eased, thumb brushing mine, and my tense limbs drooped as I met his determined gaze.
“It ends now. It ended before Christmas. You’re the only one, the only thing I want. Not the music, not the groupies, not the escape, not the recognition. You. Just me and you and forever.”
“Forever,” I echoed, tasting the word on my tongue.
Dropping his cigarette, he took my face in his cool hands, tilting it back to search my eyes. “We’re still young and stupid, and we’re bound to make more mistakes, but I’m tired of making the same ones. If you’ll believe nothing else I say, then at least believe that.”
With a lingering kiss to my forehead, he released me, and I watched him drift down the street until the shadows swallowed him.
The interior of Zoe’s wrapped me in its smoky embrace, filling my nose with the scent of peanuts, stale beer, and cigarettes.
Neil, a guy from school, was manning the bar alongside its owner and namesake, Zoe.
Zoe was a single mom of three boys, her husband having skipped town when the youngest, Jeff, was born three years ago. The bar had once been her