hands clenched at my sides, and I drew in a scathing, silent breath, trying to keep hold of all that was threatening to unravel. “You know what?” I said, my smile sad. “It’s probably for the best.”
He blinked, exhaling a cloud of smoke, then nodded. “You’re a comfort, Clover. Nothing more, nothing less.”
I stepped back, sucking my lips between my teeth. “Right. Well, find some other kind of comfort from now on, asshole.”
His rumbling laughter hit me square in the back as I began to leave. “I always do.”
Hendrix was stalking to the bus, his hair a disaster and his clothes wrinkled. “Steve.”
I swallowed the tears that’d pushed past my defenses. “Tried to call you.”
“I know.” He stopped.
“You don’t want to talk to me?”
He sighed. “Not particularly.”
I nodded, biting my lip as we just stood there, not looking at each other.
He yawned, then shifted and gestured behind me. “We’ve gotta head out. I’ll, ah, I’ll see you.”
“Yeah, okay.”
He skirted around me, and I was tempted to see if he and Everett would fight again, but I didn’t have it in me to care, so I continued to walk away.
Forgiveness was a desperate heart’s mistake.
You didn’t forsake the soul to save an organ. Hearts had an expiration date; the soul was immortal.
And I was beginning to fear for mine. This had to stop before the stains blemishing who I was couldn’t be removed.
Adela came home to find me in a sea of tissues on my bed.
Without saying anything, she pulled back the duvet, slipped in behind me, and wrapped her arm around my waist until I was ready to talk.
When I finally did, she didn’t speak for the longest time.
“You’re worrying me,” I said.
“Me?” She laughed.
“Yes, you. You’re not saying anything.”
A sigh left her. “Because I don’t know if what I want to say will be of any help, or if it’s what you want to hear right now.”
We laid there some more, now staring at the ceiling. It’d taken me a while to get used to a bare white with no faded glow worms.
“Tell me anyway,” I decided.
“You can’t help who you love, but I think it’s time to try.”
“That’s it?”
She hummed. “Yep.”
I nibbled my lip, sniffing. “He won’t talk to me.”
“Who?”
“Aiden,” I said, my eyes closing.
“Well, I was starting to worry he was stealing my best friend card, so maybe that’s just fine.”
We both laughed, and I winced at how the action made my ribs ache.
“Have you tried to talk to him?” she asked.
“I called him earlier when I got home. He didn’t answer.” Her silence had me rolling my head to face her. “What?”
Her lips were pressed into a tight line. She released them to say, “You left him in the street for Everett, and he probably figures you slept with him. I’m sorry, hussy, but I think it’s going to take a lot more than simply calling him.”
I blew out a breath, closing my eyes again. “On a scale of one to ten, how horrible am I?”
Adela pretended to think about it. “I’d say a solid seven.”
I snatched and tossed a pillow at her, and she laughed.
The bus wasn’t in the parking lot when I headed to Aiden’s apartment the next morning.
I didn’t expect it to be, but seeing the cars parked in that space was a reminder of what I’d allowed to happen. Of what I always allowed to happen.
No more.
I’d only been by Aiden’s apartment once, when we’d been on our way to one of his games, and he’d forgotten his lucky ball cap. I hadn’t gone in, but I thought I had a pretty good idea which apartment I’d seen him enter from where I’d waited in his car.
I’d thought wrong.
I knocked on four doors, of which only two residents answered, telling me I had the wrong place, until some guy wearing a gaming headset said I’d find him in apartment eight.
I thanked him, then walked down the end of the hall and knocked before I could chicken out.
No answer.
I was about to try again when the door opened, and a bleary-eyed Aiden ran a hand down his face, his golden skin paling a shade when he saw me.
Trying not to let the shadowed dips and muscles of his bare chest distract me, I started in, the words rushing out of me so fast, I was surprised he heard them. “I owe you about a million apologies. I know that. I’m an idiot. I know I told you it was complicated, and even though