but as he nears home, he feels a coldness soak through to his bones.
Boris hears them before he sees them. As he emerges from the woods, he sees cars parked along the narrow street, then the small crowd in his garden, under the cover of black umbrellas. A young man sits atop the section of fence with a rotted board. Boris wants to call out to him to move, but instead he stands as still as a deer who’s seen her hunter before being seen.
He thinks of retreating back into the forest. But someone calls out his name and the crowd moves toward him like a large mammal. The man sitting on the fence jumps down and is the first to reach him. He pulls out a notepad and holds his pen at the ready. “You’ve won,” he says. “You’ve won the Nobel Prize. Any comment for Pravda?”
Boris tilts his head to the clouds, letting the cold rain fall on his face. Here it is, he thinks. All laid out like a feast. His legacy engraved in gold. But no tears of joy mix with the rain running down his cheeks. Instead, fear comes over him like one of his icy morning baths.
He looks to the far end of his garden, where a gate was torn down twenty years earlier. He imagines his neighbor, Boris Pilnyak, coming through it, excited to share his onion harvest or the latest chapter of his novel. He remembers, later, after that novel was banned and Pilnyak accused of orchestrating its foreign publication, passing his friend’s dacha on his morning walks and seeing him looking out the window, waiting. “They will come for me one day,” Pilnyak had said. And they did.
A flashbulb pops. Boris blinks. He searches for someone familiar in the crowd—someone to hold on to—but sees no one.
“Will you accept?” another reporter asks.
Boris toes his boot into a puddle. “I did not want this to happen, all this noise. I am filled with a great joy. But my joy today is a lonely joy.”
Before the reporters can ask more questions, Boris puts his cap back on. “I do my best thinking while walking, and I need to walk some more.” He cuts through a parting in the crowd and continues back into the forest.
She will know to come, he thinks. She will be waiting.
* * *
—
He sees Olga’s red scarf from a distance and a weight is lifted. She’s atop the grassy knoll in the cemetery where the earth has yet to be broken, pacing the length of an invisible grave, her arms folded across her chest. Even now, Boris is still taken aback when he sees her. She’s aged. Lines radiate from the corners of her eyes and her blond hair has become brittle. She’s gained back the weight lost in the camps, but instead of settling back into her hips and thighs, it has gone to her stomach and face. Ever since Zhivago was published abroad, she no longer curls her hair or wears jewelry. Perhaps she no longer wants to stand out. Or maybe she is simply too tired to care. Regardless, Boris thinks her even more beautiful.
She runs to meet him. They embrace and he’s enveloped by her, even though she’s the one who fits neatly inside his arms. Her touch is a poultice.
Boris feels Olga holding her breath and rubs her back as if to prompt the exhale. She pulls away and confirms what her body has already told him she is thinking. “What will they do to us now?” she asks.
“It’s a good thing,” he says. “We should be celebrating. They won’t be able to touch us. The world will be watching.”
“Yes,” she says. She looks around the cemetery. “They are watching.”
He kisses her forehead. “It is a good thing,” he repeats, trying to convince himself. He looks in the direction of his dacha. “The vultures are waiting. I must face them.”
“You’ll accept the Prize, then?”
“I don’t know,” he tells her. But he can’t imagine not accepting. His life has led to this precipice; how can he not take this final step, even if into the abyss? If he retreats now, each time his beloved smiles, he will see the chip in her tooth from her days in the camps and will be reminded that it was all in vain.
Olga smooths the front of his jacket, her hand pausing at his heart. “Come to me when you can?”