The Secret of You and Me - Melissa Lenhardt Page 0,59
I have no desire to cruise the DC area to find someone who could give me a truly monogamous, committed relationship. Maybe I was lazy. Maybe I was content using the obstacle of Alima’s marriage to protect my heart. Maybe I loved Alima enough that what we have is enough. Maybe I was happy I’d finally found someone who can stack up to Sophie and was content to have her however she’ll have me, and for as long as she’ll have me. Maybe it’s all of it.
I did lie to Sophie about the number of lovers I’ve had since I started seeing Alima. I’d had two—one man and one woman—and I’d felt guilty after each one. Alima knew she couldn’t very well refuse me lovers; she went home to her husband every night. As far as she knew, I still had occasional one-night stands, but I didn’t. I enjoyed monogamy and I especially enjoyed not going to overcrowded bars with overpriced drinks and political operatives who thought the president was either the second coming or the anti-Christ. There was no in-between these days.
Alima and I had stolen lunches and long stretches of coupledom when her husband was away. I loved Alima, and she loved me. I’d given some thought to what our life might be like if she did leave her husband, and I liked what I imagined. But, Alima had never suggested it or even hinted that it was something she wanted. And neither had I. After seeing Sophie again, I was glad I hadn’t.
“So, this is where you grew up?” Alima said, twirling her sunglasses and taking in the cheap wood-paneled walls, the flattened shag carpet and the mounds of magazines I’d pulled out of all the cabinets and closets. She picked up a Field and Stream magazine, raising her sculpted eyebrows in disbelieving good humor. “You didn’t do it justice.”
“If this is too beneath you, I bet you can get your driver back here in ten minutes or less.”
Her eyes widened, and she dropped the magazine back on the pile. “Touchy.”
“I’m not in the mood.”
“Because I surprised you?”
“No,” I lied. I thought of how out of the way Lynchfield was, and the effort it had taken her to get here. “I’m glad you’re here,” I said, and I was. She was the closest thing to a best friend I’d had in years, and besides Sophie, she’d been my lover for the longest.
Sophie.
“Did you miss me?” Alima looked at me from beneath her brows and, though I fought it, felt guilty about it, I felt the familiar stirring.
“I always miss you.”
She moved to me, taking the initiative, as usual. I’d never made the first move, with any lover. I needed to be wanted before I could want in return and, God help me, I wanted her. Someone. Desperately.
I pulled her to me roughly, my hand wrapped into her long hair. Her eyes widened in surprise, and I took the lead for the first time in my life.
* * *
We fucked in Ray’s bed, and I have to be honest, it was some of the best sex we’d ever had. No doubt a psychoanalyst would have a field day with that.
Alima lay next to me, her dark hair splayed across the pillow, a thin sheen of sweat covering her body. “That was...”
“Intense.” I propped myself on my elbow. “Amazing.”
Her eyes searched my face. “Hmm. Not the words I was looking for.” She rose, and sat on the edge of the bed, her back to me.
I moved behind her and kissed her bare shoulder. “What’s wrong?”
Alima’s eyes were a deep brown, with little golden flecks around the iris. When they met mine, they were troubled, wary. “You’ve never made love to me like that.”
“Unless I’m mistaken, you enjoyed it as much as I did.”
“Yes, but...”
“But, what, Alima? You only like me when you’re in charge?”
She rose and went to her suitcase, and I saw a faint bruise on the back of her arm. The shape of a hand. My hand. The passion, confidence from earlier drained out of me, refilled with guilt and shame. “Alima, I...”
“Nora, I’ve wanted that from you for a long time. To feel like you truly want me.”
“I always want you. You know that.”
Alima turned and smiled thinly. “Not like today, you haven’t.”
“Why are you complaining then?”
“I don’t like the reason, Nora.”
“Because you’re beautiful and sexy as hell and you came one thousand miles to help me?”