The Secret of You and Me - Melissa Lenhardt Page 0,56
that easy.”
“The hardest part is admitting it’s over. Take it from a man who’s done it three times.”
“People will ask why.”
“You don’t have to tell people shit. Ain’t none of their business.”
“The gossip.”
“Fuck that.”
“You know, that’s easy for a man to say. Fuck that! It ain’t nobody’s business. You don’t have to tell people shit. Men leave all the time. No one cares. Women who leave their families? Christ, they’re never forgiven. Ever. That’s a fucking fact of life, and you know it. And, for me to leave my family because I’m a lesbian?” I rested my forehead in my hands. “Jesus, I can’t believe I’m even thinking about it.”
Todd was quiet so long I finally looked up. “You’re right. I’m sorry,” he said.
I sat back and pulled my coffee toward me, cradling it in my hands, but not drinking it. “Charlie has been a good husband. A better one than I deserved. He’s innocent in all of this. Completely clueless about me and Nora, why she left. I’ve been lying to him for all this time and...I feel guilty. I used him at first, but I did fall in love with him. Briefly. I love him still, but since last year, it’s like I’m sleeping with my brother. I have zero desire, and when it’s over, I feel dirty.”
“Whatever you do, don’t ever tell Charlie that.”
“I wouldn’t.” I motioned for the waitress to refill my coffee cup. After she left, I said, “Taking that sip of beer set me and Logan back. If I came out or left Charlie now, I would lose her forever. On the other hand, I can’t bear the thought of Nora leaving town without me.”
“Will she stay for you?”
I drank the coffee, felt its bitter bite on the back of my tongue, tried to fool myself into thinking it was Maker’s. “We kissed today. In my car. Behind an abandoned building. God, it sounds so sordid.”
“The way you’re blushing, it probably was.”
“It felt...right.” I put my fist to my heart. “Like I was finally whole again.”
Todd raised his eyebrows.
“To answer your question, I don’t know if she would stay for me. But, I know that the spark is still there.”
I grasped the back of my neck and closed my eyes, massaging the tension knot that had formed.
“If this was anyone else I would say sleep with her, get her out of your system,” Todd said. “But, you can’t do that.”
“Because I’m married? Charlie’s been cheating on me for years.”
“No, because you’re an alcoholic in your first year of recovery. The rule may be unwritten, but it’s there for a reason.”
“I’m not going to worry about it right now. I need to make amends. Tell her my story.”
Todd reached for my hand. “It’s the right first step in truly repairing your relationship. Maybe, in time, you two can be together.”
“You know if Nora breaks my heart, you’re the only shoulder I have to cry on.”
“How’d you like it? Broad enough? Strong enough?”
“Yes. And, please, never stop smelling like fresh-hewn lumber.”
“I’ll do my best.”
fourteen
nora
The Dumpsters arrived at two, one for recyclables and one for the junk, and forced me to confront the daunting task. I hadn’t heard from Mary, so I was going forward with the idea she wasn’t interested in Ray’s things. I knew she wouldn’t be. Her house in Austin was decorated in the trendy Texas thrift store style. Mary wasn’t sentimental enough to try to shoehorn Ray’s worst of the seventies and eighties aesthetic into her own.
Still, I figured someone, somewhere, might want this shit. Before I could talk myself out of it, I put an ad on Craigslist for an estate sale for Sunday, one to four. All prices negotiable! Everything must go! Little did the junkers know I intended to give everything away. I didn’t want to cause a stampede, after all.
I left myself only four days to get it ready, plenty of time for a military mind like mine to whip this place into shape. But, I knew I couldn’t do it alone. I called Sophie.
“I was about to call you,” she said. I could hear the smile in her voice, and my stomach did a little flip at the promise our kiss held, the possibilities I dared not think about.
Kissing Sophie had probably been a mistake, but I couldn’t help myself, not when she looked at me with those eyes. The naked vulnerability, the flushed cheeks, her gaze on my lips, her cool hand in mine. I’m only human,