The Secret of You and Me - Melissa Lenhardt Page 0,102

I would start it, how it would go, how it would end. Now, here we were and all I wanted to do was leave and keep my secret for one more day.

“This was the bar I was at before my DUI.”

“Oh.”

“I didn’t realize until today it was called Rock Bottom. Pretty appropriate.” I placed my hands flat on the sticky table and leaned back, inhaling deeply.

“Mom, what is it? Are you dying or something?”

I laughed. “No, though it might be easier than telling you I’m gay.”

I went completely still, shocked that I’d said it so nonchalantly. My plans for easing into our heart-to-heart ran out the front door, screaming.

Logan’s eyes were wide and fixed on me. “You’re what?”

“I...” I started to apologize for how it came out, to explain how I’d had a big conversation planned to help her understand, but what was the point? I didn’t want to apologize for who I was. But, I knew this was going to upend her world, her perspective of me and our relationship, and I felt guilty I was doing it to her, even though it needed to happen.

“I’m gay, Logan. That’s what I wanted to tell you.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Nora did this, didn’t she?”

“No.”

“You were fine until she came back to town.”

“No, I wasn’t.”

“That fucking bitch. I knew it.”

“Logan,” I snapped. “Don’t you dare call her that. And don’t rush to judgment when you only know a sliver of the story.”

Logan flounced back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest, but her eyes flicked toward the front door. Toward escape.

“I’ve known I was gay since eighth grade. Oh, I’ve denied it, ignored it, tried to change it, most of my life.” I closed my eyes and shook my head, thinking of all the lost years. I opened my eyes to my daughter watching me. “I can’t anymore. I’m so tired of pretending.”

Arms still crossed over her chest, she pursed her lips and studied me. “Is that why you’re an alcoholic?”

I nodded.

Logan leaned forward, put her head in her hands and stared at the table. “I can’t believe this.”

“You can’t believe I’m gay, or that I’m being honest with you?”

“Both.” She waved her hand at me. “Look at you. You don’t look gay. I mean, Nora is one thing. But, you?”

“Logan. I’d hoped I taught you better than that, but it looks like your father’s and my mother’s influence is peeking through.”

Her eyes widened. “Does Dad know?”

“Yes. I told him, but Charlie doesn’t want to believe it.”

“Are y’all getting a divorce?”

“He doesn’t want one.”

“He doesn’t? But, why would he...”

“Want to be with someone who doesn’t love him?”

“You don’t love him?”

I cringed. This wasn’t going the way I hoped. “I did. In the beginning, and for years after. Up to a few days ago, I would have said I loved him, still.”

“What happened?”

My palms dampened. I didn’t want to turn Logan against her father, but I’d also promised myself I would be completely honest with her, that total honesty would be how I saved our relationship. But, it could also destroy it. “He threatened to use you to keep me in our marriage. To lie to you about me, and my past.”

“Dad’s not the liar. You are.”

“Yes, I lied to hide my drinking. I tried to keep it a secret, and to keep how bad it had gotten from you. Yeah, it was selfish and wrong but I was trying to protect you. To protect our relationship. Lying wasn’t the way to do it, I know that now, and I’m sorry. I wish I could take it all back, but I can’t. I’m opening myself up to you, sharing a big secret, because I don’t want to lie to you about my sexuality. I’ve just come to terms with it. For the most part, anyway. Your dad refuses to.”

Logan’s eyes burned with what? Hatred? Skepticism? “Why would Dad want to lie to me?”

“I think he’s afraid having his wife divorce him for another woman won’t play well with his conservative base.”

She shook her head vigorously. “No way. How can you be so mean...” Logan’s brows furrowed. She held up her hand. “Hang on. What other woman?”

I looked away, but not before I saw her face turn to stone.

“Nora.”

“Yes.”

“I knew it. You just lied about that.” Logan stood suddenly, taking me by surprise. I grabbed her hand before she could walk off.

“You need to sit down and listen to me.”

“Why? You’re doing what you said Dad would do. Trying to turn