Secret Admirer - D.J. Jamison Page 0,61

Jeremy always had, like someone who knew I didn’t have a lot of cash — but he was happy to split expenses or just do things that didn’t cost a lot of money.

Tired of the silence looming between us, I asked, “How was your trip back?”

“Long.”

“You must be tired. Did you just get in tonight?”

“Yeah.” He swiped a hand down his face. “It’s been a long day.”

Jeremy wasn’t happy to learn I’d been dating Benji, but he hadn’t taken a swing or yelled. Instead, he seemed to be biding his time, withholding judgment — or at least the full force of his anger — until we talked. I appreciated that. Jeremy wasn’t an unreasonable guy. When he realized how much I cared about Benji, he wasn’t going to stand in the way.

I hoped.

But if he did… Well, I’d made my choice. Jeremy’s blessing would be welcome, but his approval was not required. My real hesitance about dating Benji had always lain within me. I’d still been figuring out myself, my attraction and feelings for another man. That he was Jeremy’s brother and had grown up tagging along after us only added another layer of confusion to those emotions. But it was never really about Jeremy.

Benji was an adult, and he meant too much to me to give up out of a false sense of loyalty. A real friend would want me to be happy. A good brother would want Benji to be happy.

Jeremy was both those things, so I believed he’d come around. I just wished we could skip this awkward, simmering tension and get on to the acceptance and happiness phase.

The bar and grill was all dark, glossy wood and low lighting. A table display listed the many, many kinds of beer they had on tap.

A server approached to deliver our drinks. “The food will be out shortly.”

Jeremy thanked her and took a big gulp of his regionally brewed beer, Green Horn. He’d probably been missing it up in Chicago. I was tempted to guzzle mine down and order a second, but I resisted, sipping, knowing I needed to keep a cool head.

After she was gone, it felt like my reprieve was over. Our orders were already in, so I couldn’t use the menu to stall.

“I did sort of tell you, you know.”

Jeremy’s eyebrow inched up. “I think I’d remember that.”

I chewed my lip, nervous. I didn’t need his approval, but I wanted it. I wanted our friendship to come out of this intact.

Choosing my words carefully, I said, “I told you the secret admirer cared for Benji, that I thought he was an okay guy.” Jeremy looked ready to object, so I added, “I also told you I might have finally found someone to get serious with.”

“That hardly counts. You didn’t mention that someone was my brother or even a guy,” he said. “You didn’t tell me Benji’s admirer was you. Fuck, this has been going on that long?” He shook his head. “What the fuck, Ace? I mean, did you think you could keep it a secret? How would that work, unless—”

He stopped short, his eyes blazing, and I knew what was going through his head.

Why would I keep it a secret unless I didn’t plan for it to last?

“I’m crazy about him,” I blurted. Jeremy still didn’t look convinced, but he listened. “It’s not a secret. Not around here,” I amended. “The frat brothers know. Benji’s friends know.”

“I met Tracy. She was with him when I arrived.” He let out a low whistle. “If he wasn’t gay…”

“If he wasn’t gay, he wouldn’t want me. Which would break my fucking heart, so.” I shrugged, trying to play off my words as lighthearted, but they were one hundred percent true. I was head over heels for Benji, and there was no going back.

Jeremy gave me a searching look.

“I’m gonna hit the bathroom,” I said, scooting out of the booth.

I needed the breather from his intense gaze. My feelings for Benji were so big, so overwhelming at times, it was still difficult for me to process that my whole world had changed so quickly. One minute I was a guy who was charmed by a sweet, cute boy, and the next I was in a relationship. There’d been plenty in-between that first secret admirer note and my first real date with a guy, but my world had tilted on its axis. I wasn’t straight; I wasn’t the loner who was too uninterested to date, much less commit.

When I returned,