long and I had missed him so much that it made me ache with need.
And it was like he was torn on what to say. I could see his relief at Magnus being found but his uncertainty about what to do with me.
“Juliet? What are you doing here? How did you find him?”
“I was bringing something to Gladys and Reina told me that Magnus was missing and I . . . I couldn’t bear the idea of you losing him.”
Again, I saw the pain and confusion in his eyes. “Your skin is all red.”
I held out one of my hands in front of me. “Little bit. But it was worth it.”
“You did that for . . .” His voice trailed off. He looked like he wanted to say something, but instead he stooped down to pick up his dog and carry him back inside.
That was it. Conversation over. I was never going to see him again. Pinpricks of pain lanced my gut, and I put my hand on my stomach, as if I was trying to hold everything in. I didn’t want to cry and yell his name.
Then he turned slightly. “Do you want to come inside and get something to drink?” he asked.
“Yes.” More than I’d ever wanted anything.
There was a crowd of people at his house, and once they saw that Magnus had returned, they started calling the other searchers and telling them he was safe. Then they began leaving after telling Noah how glad they were that Magnus was back home. Magnus seemed to be loving the attention of everybody who petted him and told him not to run off again.
I went to wait in the library. New hardwood floors had been laid down, but there was rough drywall on the interior walls. The weight of being in this house again pressed down on me. I tried to gather my thoughts, to figure out exactly what I was going to say, but they were scattering in a thousand different directions and I couldn’t slow them down.
Noah entered the room, handing me a cold water bottle.
“Thank you,” I said, opening it and drinking a large gulp.
Magnus came over to me, resting his head on my lap, as if to tell me he missed me. I scratched under his chin while my heart felt like a bomb about to detonate. Would Noah talk first or should I?
He retreated to stand in the doorway, his arms folded, his body language telling me he didn’t want me there.
“I’m sorry,” I said, the words spilling out of me. “I never got to apologize to you and I want to do that now. I’m sorry that I hurt you. That was the last thing I would ever want to do.”
“But you did it anyway. I told you how important the truth is to me.”
“I know,” I said, grasping on to Magnus’s fur to help me feel grounded. “I should have said something earlier. But this wasn’t a scheme. I wasn’t trying to trick you. Just deflate your ego a little bit. Then we started hanging out and you hired Shelby and she really needed this job. I told myself that I was protecting her.”
His eyes still seemed flat. “I know you’d do anything for her.”
“Yes. But once I got to really know you, that didn’t work as an excuse any longer. I know the kind of man you are, and you’d never fire her because you were angry with me.” Which he’d already proven by keeping her on even though we were broken up. “And the night we met, if I’d had any clue about how gentle and good and loving you were, I never would have lied to you. I thought you were some arrogant jerk. I wish I’d known better. It was never a scheme or a ploy to get you to like me. I’m not insane.”
“I know that,” he said. “Now that I’ve calmed down, I know.”
Then why aren’t you kissing me? I wanted to ask, but I didn’t.
He continued, “But that doesn’t make what you did any less of a lie. You pretended the entire time we were together that you’d never heard of me before that night.”
“That’s true. I did. And I shouldn’t have. I’ll spend the rest of my life apologizing to you if that’s what it takes. You were so good about respecting my boundaries, and I failed to respect yours.”
He nodded, and hope surged inside me again, wondering if I was getting through to him.