Then again, everything looked different after the incredible way he’d explored and ravaged her. She was sure she looked different, too.
“I think you’ve ruined me for all of mankind,” she said. “The bionic man couldn’t live up to that.”
“Exactly.” Zev squeezed her hand.
“That was your goal, huh? Ruin me for all other men.”
“Babe, if you’re still thinking about other men, then I did something wrong.”
“Trust me, you didn’t do anything wrong. I feel like a teenager again. Like we’re back down by the creek in Pleasant Hill with a blanket and our mix CDs.” She sighed. “I didn’t think we could ever top those times. Remember how we used to go at it for hours?”
“What do you think kept me going all these years?” He rolled onto his side and kissed her. His expression had gone from a ravenous beast to a sated lion. His gaze moved appreciatively over her face and down her naked body as he traced her curves, as if he were trying to memorize her.
She’d dreamed of how she’d feel if she and Zev ever ended up in each other’s arms again, but now she couldn’t even remember what she thought she’d feel, because this was unlike anything she’d ever imagined or experienced. She felt transformed into a younger version of herself, a girl who didn’t overthink and hold back. It felt so good, she was tempted to peer into the future, but reminded herself that expectations led to heartbreak. She didn’t want to think about the fact that they had only six days together, or that one of those days was already more than half over, but she forced herself to. It was a good reminder that this time together was temporary, nothing more, and for now it was okay to be the old Carly and enjoy every minute for the gift it was.
Zev was still drinking her in. He’d always enjoyed her body, and she’d always loved the way it felt to be admired by him, but this, too, felt different. She’d never been self-conscious about being naked around him, and she knew it had a lot to do with the fact that they’d dared each other to skinny-dip so often when they were young, it had become natural. He’d seen her body developing just as she’d seen his. When they were younger, they’d been each other’s first and only lovers. But now he was a man studying a woman, and she wondered what he was thinking. Was he comparing her to other women? Or thinking about how she’d changed and whether she lived up to the image he’d held in his head? She didn’t love the insecurities those thoughts stirred, but she was curious, so she said, “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“I was just thinking about how lucky I am. I can’t believe you’re still single.” His eyes met hers as a caress. “You’re still the sweet, sexy, fun girl I knew, but now you’re even more beautiful, you’re stronger, you’re careful, protective of yourself. I know that last part is my fault, but damn, baby, you’re one impressive woman.”
“You’re making me blush.”
“Just being honest. While we were apart, I thought about you every day, but there were certain things I never let myself consider. Like if you were with someone else, if you were engaged, married, having babies. I had made it clear early on to my family not to bring your name up, because even though I left so you could move on, it would have crushed me to hear you had.” His expression turned apologetic. “I know that’s selfish, but I was so fucking lonely away from you and my family, our memories were all I had to pull me through.”
The part of her that had been so hurt when he’d left wanted to do a little happy dance that he’d paid some sort of penance, but at the same time, thinking of Zev being lonely made her unbelievably sad. She’d known he was devastated when he’d left, but she’d always thought he’d found his way back to being the same worry-free person he’d been when they were together. He’d been so full of life and filled with hope and fathomless dreams, he was like his own brand of magic. As if he could make anything come true.
“I think sometimes we have to be selfish in order to survive. I did the same thing,” she confessed. “But then I learned how important it was to make every