also mad at myself for being disappointed, which makes me royally confused. Why can’t I just leave well enough alone? You hear about people saying they’re over their exes all the time. Why can’t I be one of them?”
“Because you’re not over him.”
“I am.” The words tasted bitter and untrue.
“I’m not buying it, Carly.”
“Fine. Maybe I’m not over him, but I know where we’ll end up if I text him. I’ll just get hurt. His life isn’t here, Birdie. It’s out at sea or exploring some distant land. He’s never going to stay put, and I’m not the same girl I was. I don’t want that anymore.”
Birdie put her hand on her hip and said, “You don’t want what? That life? Or him? Because you were singing into a spatula a few hours ago, and now you look like you want to crawl under a blanket and eat a pound of ice cream. I don’t think you know what you want.”
“I hate that I can’t pull the wool over your eyes.”
“You can’t pull it over your own eyes, either.” Birdie fished in her purse for her car keys and said, “Look, you told me how in love you two used to be, and yeah, he broke your heart. But you said you haven’t seen him since he broke up with you a hundred years ago. Aren’t you at all curious about what could happen between you? Or about what he’s been up to? Don’t you want to give him hell for breaking up with you? I mean, if I were you, I would want to do all of those things and kiss him some more. Definitely kiss him. A lot.”
Carly huffed out a breath. “Don’t you think I want to kiss him? I want to do all those things you mentioned. But it’s hard, and it’s scary, and I know what’ll be between us. Last night when we kissed…” She sighed and looked up at the sky, shaking her head. “Those were the best kisses I’ve ever had. Even better than when we were young, which I didn’t think could ever be surpassed.”
“Then you should have kept kissing and let this thing play out. Who cares if it’s scary? It’s better than letting him leave town and not having said your piece. My mom always says that unspoken words can kill a relationship faster than the skeletons they might let out of the closet.” Birdie’s mother, Wynnie, was Marie’s sister. She was a licensed psychologist and she’d helped Carly through the worst of times when she’d first moved to Colorado.
“I love your mom, but why can’t shrinks ever say anything like Let it be?”
“What fun would that be? Want to know what I say?”
Carly shrugged. “Sure.”
“That man knows you in ways I doubt anyone else does, and you know where he’s staying. Go see him. And don’t sweat it if you’re late in the morning. I’ll come in early just in case.” Birdie looked at the basket of cereal and said, “And if it doesn’t go well, you can drown your sorrows in Lucky Charms and Froot Loops.” She giggled and said, “I love you, and I will always have your back. I’ll celebrate your happiness or pull you out of your sadness.” She walked backward toward her car and said, “But for the record, I’m pulling for a little under-the-covers treasure hunting!”
Me too.
But wanting and doing are two very different things.
Carly stood in front of the shop remembering all of the things she’d thought about saying to Zev if she ever got the chance. Maybe Birdie had a point. He was staying at the inn, which wasn’t that far from Allure, and she knew the inn was closed until Beau and Charlotte returned from their honeymoon. Charlotte had told her that Zev’s family had only planned on staying until Sunday morning, and that Zev had been the only one who had time to watch the animals for them. Zev, the guy who almost never went home to visit, had agreed to give up a week of his time for Beau.
I guess guilt is a powerful motivator.
She always wondered if he’d felt guilty for taking Beau out and getting drunk with him the night Tory had been killed. Memories of the next evening and their painful breakup came rushing back. Zev had paced like a caged animal, hands fisted, anger and sadness warring in his eyes, his every word spat like a curse. Tory’s death fucked me up and I