sure we’re checking off all the to-dos. I’m sure they’re around here somewhere, or in the kitchen. I saw you carry them out of your office a little while ago.”
“Rest? I have too much to do to rest. I’m fine.” Or at least I’m trying to be. Ugh.
Carly dropped her hand. Okay, maybe she wasn’t fine.
“We’re a team, and we kicked ass while you were gone,” Birdie reminded her. “The baby shower order is filled and ready to be picked up tomorrow morning, and we’re right on schedule with inventory for the festival. You know I can handle keeping us all on schedule.”
As Birdie urged her to take a breather, Carly suddenly realized what was wrong. She was trying so hard not to think about Zev leaving tomorrow, or missing out on all the things she wanted to do with him, it was impossible for her to think clearly about anything at all. If she couldn’t ignore her emotions without her entire life becoming upended, then maybe she really wasn’t very good at being a fly-by-the-seat-of-her-pants person anymore.
That thought brought a wave of regret. Could she have lost her ability to do things on a whim and bounce right back on track? Did that mean she would never be okay not knowing when they’d see each other again? Flying loosey-goosey?
Oh boy. This wasn’t good.
She needed to wrap her head around this. “I need a plan,” she said under her breath.
“You have a very good, detailed plan,” Quinn reminded her. “We just need to find your lists so you feel better about it. Give yourself a break, Carly. You don’t have to be Wonder Woman. It’s okay to be tired or a little off-kilter after flying across the country.”
“And being screwed senseless,” Birdie added.
“You’re right,” she said absently. It was okay to feel off-kilter. She had a chance at a future she never saw coming, and the man she loved was leaving.
“See? She did have awesome island sex,” Birdie said.
“I meant about needing a break,” Carly said, but her mind was three steps ahead, drowning in anxiety about Zev leaving. “I’ll be in my office.”
She strode through the kitchen and closed her office door behind her, steeling herself against the out-of-control feeling gnawing away at her. She thought she’d prepared for this. She’d known Zev was leaving and that they would have no idea when they’d see each other again. A lump formed in her throat, but she refused to let it take hold. They’d had a wonderful time together, a new beginning. They’d been given a second chance at forever, which should be celebrated, not mourned by a layover. She thought about her independent aunt, who would never let a man derail her, and Wynnie, and all the things she’d learned from her about staying grounded and seeing things clearly even in the toughest of times.
Wynnie’s voice played in her mind. Don’t expect change to be easy. You have to honor the difficulty, experience the pain, and deal with it as it comes. Marie’s familiar voice chased Wynnie’s. Change starts with attitude. Acknowledge every positive attribute about yourself. Seeing yourself as capable is a good first step.
Attitude might not be everything, but it was a start.
She knew she was capable and needed to allow herself space to be sad, but she was no longer a lost young girl. She was determined to think through this situation without falling apart. She could do this. She just needed a plan. That’s why she felt so off-balance. What was really bothering her?
He was leaving. But she wanted him near. She needed to feel his presence even in his absence. She looked around her Zev-free office.
This she could fix.
Next!
Timing. She needed to get a handle on when she and Zev would see each other again. She made a mental note to talk with him about it tonight, to see if they could nail down something solid for her to look forward to. Once those things were in line, she could focus on her business.
With those two pieces of her plan in place, she pushed to her feet and retrieved her secret stash of pictures. She sat down in the chair behind her desk with the box in her lap. She whipped off the top of the box and began sifting through the pictures. She’d spent so much energy repressing their memories, she’d forgotten the sweetness of them. The way the pictures filled her with