My thoughts are constantly shifting to him. Finally, I ask, “What did Lincoln say when he came in?”
In my peripheral vision, I can see Presley grinning, her head slowly turning to stare at me. For a moment, I almost regret asking her. “Well…” She twists her body completely to face me. “He sat down, asked for a drink, ignored Dylan all together, and then asked Mal where you were.”
I look at my IV. “How did he react when she said I was in the hospital?”
“He kinda got a look on his face. He fidgeted a lot. I don’t know. He’s hard to describe.” Her smile widens. “But I think he’s totally into you.”
Into me?
I don’t know about that but he gives me naughty butterflies that make my heart explode with desire. That’s how into him I am.
Head Seas - Waves coming from the direction a boat is heading.
Gray clouds hang low, the tops of the trees invisible. It’s eerily similar to the day my life changed forever. I remember it was foggy out, and though the excitement of becoming a father for the first time weighed heavily on me, I didn’t think much of it.
As night fell, I remember staring out that hospital room window and nothing but white fluffy clouds reflected off the windows mirroring my own reflection back at me. Suddenly I was trapped in a nightmare. One I’m not sure I’ve ever woke up from.
For some reason, it’s not Athena I think about when the fog envelopes me this time. It’s her, the one holding every thought hostage and keeping my heart tortured with regret.
Tossing the remains of my cigarette in a nearby puddle, I breathe in and sigh. Her memory simmers in my chest. Her touch, her dark eyes, the way her cheeks heat when she makes eye contact with me. I want to hear her whisper my name again and listen to the rhythm of her heart. I want to memorize the taste of her skin and know what it’s like to wake up next to her.
No, you do not. Fuck. What the hell has gotten into me?
Even more reason for me to stay away from her. I shove my hands in my pockets and pace the alley beside the bar. Don’t go in there. Stay away from her. I tell myself this, but I don’t listen. I’ve never been very good at that.
I walk around the front to the sidewalk. There are two men standing outside, smoke curling in the air above them. They both turn at my footsteps on the sidewalk. I don’t look at them and step forward. I reach for the door. It sticks, years of chipped paint and swelling wood protesting my entrance.
Even the damn door is trying to tell me to leave her alone. I’m haunted.
I hate this. This goddamn stirring in my chest every time I see her. She happened all at once and left me unable to understand the change before it happened.
And now, now there’s no hope.
Have you ever had an addiction to anything? I have. To a few different substances, but this… this is unlike like any of that, but it relates. Even when you know something’s bad for you, if you’re addicted, you start to make excuses as to why you can’t stop.
My excuse? I want her. All of her. Even the parts she shouldn’t give me, I want those too. She’s different than I expected. Not the broken girl. She’s had to pick up the pieces of a broken life, and look at her. She doesn’t need saving. She needs loving. Something I can’t provide, but it’s not stopping me from trying to be something to her. Even if I don’t know exactly what that is.
I have no idea if she’s here. Anticipation hangs heavy on me as I step inside. It’s nearing the end of the happy hour rush. The tables are filled with patrons catching sports highlights on the televisions mounted on the walls. Keeping my eyes low, I walk toward the bar. If I had to guess, by the sudden kick to my chest, she’s here, and the madness inside me speaks louder than anything else.
I hate the song playing. A lump of emotion lodges in my throat. I swallow it down, pushing the thoughts of Athena away. I won’t think of her in this place. Or, I shouldn’t.
Pushing out a breath, I glance up and take a seat at the end of the bar. She’s here, lit by neon