“There he is!” Atlas jumps, still holding my hand and Coho’s leash in the other. Yep, still got the dog. “That’s my dad!” A beautiful smile I haven’t seen in days spans across his cheeks. “Daddy! Do you remember me?” He yells all this from about twenty feet away, and at the very second, Lincoln emerges from his uncle’s truck.
At the sound of his voice, Lincoln’s eyes snap toward his, and he smiles, the relief on his face instant. He visibly sighs at the sight of his son. And maybe me? I don’t know. My mouth goes dry, my heart pounding in my chest. I look up at the sky, breathe in fresh cool air that stings and relieves at the same time. I can do this. I can hear his side and listen without regard for feeling like he used me. I… want to. Because when he’s near, even this far away, there’s something more here than just this attachment.
Tears burn my eyes. Even now, before his eyes find mine, his unknown reasons whip through my mind like a storm, destroying my resolve to find reasoning. I want to forgive, without knowing the details, because this reality doesn’t matter. He could have known the entire time, but didn’t know how to say it. Or maybe like I have done in these last couple days, he pretended not to know. Like me, had he fooled himself into believing there was something larger at play here? A destiny playing out before us, and we were simply the victims?
Love is blinding like that.
Atlas runs toward him, his feet moving as fast as they can toward his dad. Lincoln catches him in a hug, holding his tiny body to his chest. I start crying. Coho whines, and I look down at him. It’s the first time he hasn’t chased Atlas, and then I realize he’s staying with me because I need him. I can barely keep from shaking with sobs at the relief that Lincoln is alive and Atlas didn’t lose him. But also that I didn’t lose him. As much as it hurts that he lied to me, the idea of not having him in my life at all outweighs everything else.
With Atlas in his arms, Lincoln walks toward me. I see it in his eyes. He knows I know. As he hangs his head, I swallow. I look to Atlas and then back to Lincoln. “We need to talk. Alone.”
He gazes down, eyes unreadable. He swallows, nods, and tips his head toward the beach. He keeps his eyes on the ground, unable to look at me. “Okay.”
Presley comes out of the bar having seen all this and motions to Atlas. “Buddy, your root beer is waiting!”
I smile at her, relieved. Lincoln sets him down, ruffling his hair. “I’ll be just a minute.”
Atlas is hesitant. “Don’t leave without me,” he tells Lincoln, and then smiles at me. “I’ll be right back.”
“We won’t leave,” I assure him, giving him a tender smile. “I’m just gonna talk to your dad for a minute right over there.” I point to the coffee shop.
“Okay.” Atlas takes off running toward Presley across the street and high-fives her when he’s at the door. “Did you make my nachos?”
“Yep.”
I love that Atlas is not only a part of my life now, but everyone else in that bar; from Everett making bets, Kylo teaching him card games, and Mal still secretly planning her daughter’s marriage to him.
When the door closes behind them, Lincoln’s chest heaves with a breath. “Thank you for taking care of him. I know you didn’t have to do that.”
“I wanted to.”
Maybe out of nervousness, he lights a cigarette. I notice his hands are shaking, and if I had to guess, it’s not from the cold.
“You shouldn’t smoke,” I tell him when we take a seat on a bench outside the coffee shop across from the bar. The air’s cool, calmer than before, but enough that I curl into my jacket and shiver. Okay, so maybe he’s shaking because it’s cold.
Smoke escapes his lips with laughter, a plume of smoke drifting into the cloudless sky. “I think I need to for this conversation.”
I stare at his face, his chapped lips, red cheeks, and bloodshot eyes. He’s been through hell the last couple days, fought to survive, and now he’s here, having to explain. He’s right, he probably does need to smoke to get through this. The thing