HOLDEN: That’s exactly what I’d be doing, and I’m not gonna. The answer’s always been no, and it’s always going to be no
The worst thing about it was that Hadley was probably right. My agent had called again and left a message this time, telling me he’d gotten a ‘surprisingly lucrative offer’ and that I should call him back. It had to be about the reunion. But no amount of money was going to change the way I felt.
HADLEY: Alright, alright
HADLEY: That’s what I said you’d say, but now I can at least tell them I tried
HADLEY: How are you holding up, otherwise? I know it’s not an easy time of year for you
I paused to consider. How was I doing? It wasn’t an easy time of year, that was true. But having Gus here with me…
I didn’t have words for it. Maybe it was the kind of thing that could only be felt. It was like being out at sea, a storm raging around you, waves doing their best to pull you under. But for the first time, you had something to cling to as the ocean tossed your body around.
For the first time, you weren’t alone in the night.
HOLDEN: I’m okay, actually. Not great, obviously. But… ok
I looked at Gus again after I put my phone back in my pocket. I was okay because of him. That was what it came down to.
And after everything he’d done for me, I wanted to do something for him. I couldn’t give him his memories back, but maybe I could do something else.
“Hey,” I said, catching Gus in the kitchen the next day as he was grabbing leftovers for lunch. “Did you have plans for dinner?”
He looked me up and down lasciviously. “If by plans you mean going out on the town with a hot date, then, sadly, no.” He gave me a lopsided grin. “But if you mean cooking something and eating it not on the town, with a hot not-date, then hopefully, yes?”
I rolled my eyes. Gus hadn’t been pressing the sex issue, exactly, but in the past couple of days, he’d started joking about it. It made me wonder if he knew, somehow, how badly I wanted him, and how close my resolve was to breaking.
“Well unfortunately for you, your plans just changed.”
“They did? Am I not allowed to eat dinner with you anymore? Even as a not-date?” He wiggled his eyebrows. “Would it help if I lied and said you were also not-hot?”
“You can eat dinner with me. You just have to stay out of the kitchen from five p.m. onwards.”
“Why? Are you going to be doing international man of mystery, super-secret spy stuff in here?”
I barked a laugh. “I thought we established that I’m just a disgraced and morally bankrupt ex-actor. Nothing more salacious than that.”
Gus gave me a long look. “We did not establish that. We established that you somehow think you’re to blame for everything that happened, when I haven’t heard any convincing arguments in favor of that point of view.” He paused. “But I guess I can stay out of the kitchen.”
“Good. Well, except, come back in at seven, okay?”
“Color me intrigued.”
“I’ll color you anything you want, as long as it’s in a different part of the house.”
“Careful. I might just take you up on that.” The look he gave me was downright lecherous. My cheeks felt like they were on fire.
“I didn’t—that’s not—I didn’t mean it like that.”
“I know. But I’m going to take it that way anyway.” With a final grin, Gus headed out the door.
By six p.m., though, I was realizing I maybe should have asked him to come back at eight. Or perhaps the next day entirely. Possibly even next week.
I’d already cut my hand twice, and had to act fast to keep from bleeding on the food. After bandaging my fingers, I realized I wasn’t sure I even had the right ingredients. I’d asked Arnold to grab the food included in the recipe, but it wasn’t till he was at the store and called to ask what variety I wanted that I learned there even were varieties.
My culinary knowledge was a little lacking, to say the least.
Standing at the stove now, I was realizing that borrowing one of Arnold’s aprons might not be enough to keep me from injuring myself further. I needed one of those heavy vests they make you wear when taking X-rays. Or possibly a space suit.