in comparison to the sheer terror I felt at the sight of this second man slinking towards us.
I opened my mouth and screamed.
“Gus! Gus, you’re okay. It’s just a dream.”
I blinked my eyes open and saw Holden leaning over me, looking even more concerned than he had earlier that afternoon. I grabbed a hold of his shirt, clung to it like it would keep me from drowning.
“The dream—there was—I couldn’t—”
“It’s okay, it can’t hurt you,” Holden said, bringing his hand to my face and cupping my cheek. “It’s over now. You’re gonna be okay.”
“It changed,” I said, desperate to convey a tiny fraction of the fear I’d felt. To justify why I was shaking so badly. “The dream changed.”
“Not on a boat this time?” he asked.
“No. No, the boat was still there. But I got away for a second. I got up on deck. And there was a second person, another guy who—fuck, he was—”
I started crying, feeling like a complete idiot. I couldn’t find the words to convey what was so scary about that second guy. He’d barely even been in the dream. I hadn’t seen his face clearly. But he’d chilled me to the bone.
“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Holden whispered over and over as tears spilled down my cheeks.
I felt like such a child—I was clinging to him like a toddler for God’s sake—but I couldn’t stop.
“I don’t know if I want to remember what happened to me anymore,” I said through a sob. “Maybe it’s better if I never do.”
“They can’t hurt you now,” Holden whispered. “We’ll figure it out.”
“What if it’s something fucked up? What if I’m fucked up? What if it turns out that I’m a terrorist or a murderer or a—”
“I am positive that you’re not,” Holden said. “Really. I cannot think of something that seems further from the truth than the idea of you being a murderer.”
“You don’t know, though. You don’t know anything about me.”
“I know the you that you’ve been since you washed up here. I know the you that you are now. That you is good. And that’s all that matters.”
“I’m sorry I’m such a mess,” I choked out, crying now because Holden was being so nice to me when I didn’t deserve it. “I’m sorry I showed up and ruined your life and I couldn’t even manage to leave right, so you’re still stuck dealing with me—”
“Hey, hey,” Holden interrupted. “I don’t want you to leave. And you didn’t ruin anything.”
“—and I won’t stop asking questions and I’m in your space and making you feel like you can’t even be comfortable in your own house—”
“Gus, please. That’s not true. I swear, I don’t want you to go.”
“—and you’re probably dying to get rid of me so you can go use all those stupid condoms with someone who—”
Holden interrupted me with a kiss.
His lips crashed into mine, cutting me off mid-sentence, and I froze for a second, confused about what was happening. But when he started to pull back, my brain kicked into gear again, and I opened my mouth, pressed forward hungrily, and kissed him until I couldn’t tell where his tongue started and mine stopped.
“Fuck,” Holden gasped when we finally broke apart. “Fuck, now I’m the one who’s sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”
“Yes, you goddamn should have.” I glared at him. “Don’t ruin this by telling me you regret it. I’ve wanted to do that since the moment I saw you.”
“You were terrified of me the first time you saw me.”
“Doesn’t mean I didn’t think you were hot.”
“I—that doesn’t even—that’s not the point.”
“It is the point. I thought you might be a psycho killer who’d imprisoned me in his castle and I was going to have to blow you to earn my freedom, and I’ll be honest, I wasn’t mad about it.”
“You’re insane.”
“Quite possibly. Head trauma and all that.” I grinned at him, wiping at the remaining tears on my cheek. “I just can’t believe that you really are into guys after all.”
Holden frowned.
“What?” I asked. “Is it a secret or something? Because clearly, I’m not gonna judge you. I’m pretty sure I’m bisexual, but at the very least I’m you-sexual. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Only because you insist on making it complicated. Come on, man, I’m already naked underneath this blanket.”
“I still don’t think we—”
“Oh, just shut up and kiss me again. Enough with your weird hang-ups and mysterious past and bad temper. The whole growly, grumpy thing is hot, but if