“I went to Columbia, I think,” Ari continued. “I’m sure I could call them and ask what I majored in, but I’m betting it was English Lit or something.”
“That sounds like it makes sense,” I agreed cautiously. “So you know about your family now. That’s awesome.” Ari didn’t respond, and I wondered again what was wrong. I squeezed his shoulder. “Hey, that’s awesome, right?”
“Then why doesn’t it feel awesome?” Ari asked. He turned to look at me, his eyes wide and scared.
“What do you mean?”
“I can’t shake this feeling that something’s wrong. With my family. Or—or—fuck.”
He brought his hands to his head and closed his eyes. “I can’t remember. There’s something still stuck back there, something important, and I don’t know what it is. I just know that I should be happy that I’m remembering stuff, and instead, all I have is this sense that everything’s about to go horribly wrong.” He looked up at me helplessly. “What’s wrong with me? Why am I reacting like this?”
“Because it’s scary,” I said, slipping back into the comforter role that came more and more naturally to me now, around him. “You’re starting to remember stuff, but it’s not all back yet. I’m assuming you haven’t remembered more details about being kidnapped, or you would have told me. It’s got to be fucking weird, feeling like you’re missing pieces of your memory. Pieces of yourself.”
I stroked his arm. “You’ve been through a traumatic experience. Your brain is just trying to protect you. Of course you’re scared. But that doesn’t mean anything’s wrong. Your family’s gonna be thrilled to know you’re safe. And I’ll protect you till they get here.”
Ari looked at me pleadingly. “What if I don’t want to leave?”
His words pierced my chest. They were everything I wanted to hear, and more.
But if he had really remembered who he was, he couldn’t stay here. Not for long. His family would want him back, for one thing. There’d be an investigation into who kidnapped him. They probably wouldn’t want him out of their sight for a year, if not longer.
And honestly, I’d go with him, with them, if I thought it would help. But what Ari really needed was his family. And probably therapy. Lots of it.
He might want to stay, now. He might feel…something…for me, now. But over time, he’d probably realize that what he felt was nothing more than trauma-bonding. He’d realize that he didn’t want me—he’d just convinced himself he did, when his survival depended on my being kind to him.
The fair thing to do—the right thing—was to let him go. To let him remember who he was, to be his own person, until he decided to come back.
Unless, I corrected myself mentally. Because there was no guarantee he would. But I couldn’t ask him to stay here in good conscience.
But right now, he was scared and upset. Right now, all he needed was comfort.
“Then we’ll take it one step at a time,” I said finally. “We’ll figure it out.” I paused for a moment. “I don’t suppose you remembered your parents’ phone number. Or your email address or anything?”
Ari smiled hopelessly. “Nothing that useful, unfortunately.”
“It’s okay. We can figure it out tomorrow. There’s got to be a way to contact your dad’s company.”
“What if—” he bit his lip. “I know this sounds stupid, but I get chills every time I think about contacting my family. What if they’re the ones who hurt me, or sent people after me, or—”
“I promise, they didn’t,” I said, smoothing his hair.
I couldn’t promise him anything of the sort, really, but there was no reason to kidnap your own kid. And even though he was worried now, there was no reason to think Ari wouldn’t feel relieved when he was finally reunited with his family, and that they wouldn’t be equally happy to have him back.
After all, I’d known him for less than a month, and I’d fallen in love with him. I couldn’t imagine people who’d known him his whole life loving him any less.
“It’ll be okay,” I said, pulling him into a hug. “We’ll figure it out. One step at a time.”
We hardly moved for the rest of the afternoon, except for me darting downstairs to grab some dinner for both of us later that evening. It was the first time we’d slept together—and I do mean slept together—since Hadley had arrived, and even with all the turmoil around us, it was surprisingly