The Science of Discworld IV Judgement Da - By Terry Pratchett, Ian Stewart Page 0,76
say, I can understand that in a slightly not understanding way, but what about the continents and all that? There’s an awful lot of fine detail, like squirrels and creatures and fish, and amazing things on coral reefs; seriously amazing things. And while we’re on the subject, full marks for putting the Moon in the right place to get tides. Tides in, tides out: very clever idea – not only a beach-cleaning service, but also making it easier for crawling things to come out of the sea. I would take off my hat to you, if I ever took my hat off; well done, I say!’
They strolled a little further towards the dome-shaped place in the distance, and at last the Dean said, ‘Rincewind. Indeed, Professor Rincewind, I understand that you are a very learned head when it comes to Cruel and Unusual Geography. Egregious Professor of it, indeed! But I feel I must tell you this.’ The Dean cleared his throat, as if for a statement of enormous moment and worth. ‘I didn’t do a thing. I didn’t plan a thing. I didn’t frame the fearful symmetry of the tyger, of which it appears there are now all too few. No! It all just happened.’
‘But you—’ Rincewind began.
‘Oh, of course I take an interest in the place – it would be remiss of me to do otherwise,’ the Dean continued, adding, ‘but I’ve never tried it again. I wouldn’t like to take the responsibility.’ They strolled on a bit and he said, ‘I’m quite getting the hang of this era, and my feet hurt. Let’s take a cab; at least these days you no longer have to scrape the horse dung off your boots.’
He snapped his fingers and a cab halted so quickly that the driver was nearly thrown out; still bemused, he watched as the two figures got in and two seat belts miraculously strapped themselves up.
Without even looking at the driver, the Dean said, ‘You will drive us to the place under the dome over there; you will have had an indecently high tip, and when we get out of your moving apparatus you will totally forget that we were ever in it. Thank you so much.’
When the wizards stepped into St Paul’s, the Dean sighed. ‘Most excellent work. I’ve always thought it worth a fire or two, and for that matter some Parmesan cheese: wonderful architecture, intelligent design! Old Bill got it right, didn’t he: “What a piece of work is a man.” I do not claim the credit, but these people have done some wonderful things, you must admit. With our help, of course – the occasional nudge here and there …’
‘No,’ said Rincewind. ‘I’ve explored Roundworld all too often, one way or the other, and let me tell you, my friend, nudges or no nudges, that it is a good job I can run fast. But I’ll tell you what: let’s go up to the Whispering Gallery and tell the Americans there is a prize for the loudest noise – how about that?’
‘Americans?’ said the Dean.
‘Yes, great travellers in Roundworld, which they secretly think belongs to them; but salt of the Earth, even so – bearing in mind that salt occasionally gets under the skin. Mind you, we must remember that they were the ones who persevered in the attempt to get to the Moon. In my book that shows the right attitude, yes! What is it you want?’
This was directly to the person who was suggesting to the Dean and Rincewind that they pay him fifteen pounds each to go to the Whispering Gallery, and Rincewind hissed to the Dean that they should have gone invisible, as usual.
But the Dean, once called pig-headed by Mustrum Ridcully, said, ‘My dear sir, do you know to whom you speak? I brought this little world into being! I really do not believe that I have to pay to go anywhere.’ Rincewind grabbed the Dean’s hand and tugged, but the Dean raised his voice and added, ‘It’s a matter of principle.’ A phrase that in any area of conflict had something of the overtones of the Titanic – it would sink you every time.
Rincewind managed to convince the staff and subsequently the constabulary that the Dean, although bellowing his celestial bona fides, had been recently hit on the head by a piece of falling masonry and would never do it again. And he, that is to say Rincewind, would see to it that he, the Dean, got