Eric looks at me trying to read if I’m lying to him, and I honestly don’t care if he knows. “Come here,” he says sweetly, his voice calming. I inch over and wonder if I have just been being a bitch to him? Maybe Eric isn’t that bad after all? I lay my head on his shoulder when he asks, “He doing okay?” His hand runs up and down my arm which makes me shiver.
“He is. She’s not.”
“You know we have a deal coming up with them soon.” I glance up at him and shake my head.
“What do you mean?”
“Gun deal. Me and my boys are buying into their trade,” he says as if it’s no big deal.
“Why would you do that? You don’t mess with guns Eric.”
I know questioning him isn’t a good idea. I see the flash in his eyes. I see the way they darken. His hand tightens on my arm.
“You don’t know what the fuck I mess in Carnie. You just think you do.”
I hate seeing him like this. This is how he acts when he’s high out of his mind. Although right now he doesn’t look like he’s been using anything.
“Get these clothes off. I need to fuck you,” he snaps pulling away from me to take his own clothes off.
“I’m tired.”
That was a mistake. I should have never said that. The back of his hand collides with my cheek. Shock and pain register within me.
“How dare you?” I scream as tears fall down my cheeks.
“You need to learn a lesson. You should obey your man. Now get your fucking clothes off you fat pig,” he roars.
His words ring in my head, but I do what he says. I’ve never known Eric to get violent. Words? Yeah, I’m used to those.
“Fuck. If you weren’t so fat you’d be sexy as hell,” he mumbles when I stand in front of him completely naked. I move my hands to block my body from his view. He stands up from the couch.
“Move them. If you’re ashamed of your body you should lose some weight.”
Tears prickle my eyes and are ready to fall any second now. I may not be the skinniest girl out there, but I don’t think I’m fat either. I was always happy with my body regardless of if I fit the mold of others, but lately I’ve been feeling worse and worse about the way I look thanks to Eric. His hands land on my hips and he tugs me toward him.
“Why aren’t you looking at me?”
His voice is low and full of need. I glance up into his eyes. His smile could melt hearts if he wasn’t so into himself. He melted mine once, but it’s since hardened.
“There you are.”
“Eric.”
He shakes his head not wanting to say anything else. He leans in and kisses me and unlike what I felt with Viking I feel absolutely nothing with him. Viking’s kiss was like an explosion. It was rough and brutal, but Eric’s is everything his wasn’t. It’s soft and gentle that never changes. He pulls me against him and turns us so that he can lay me on the couch. He keeps kissing me as he knees my legs apart then settles between them.
“I love how you smell,” he whispers pressing kisses to my neck.
I try to enjoy the feeling, try to remember what it was I liked before he started using, but it doesn’t work. It all feels like I’m just an absent player in this situation. I’m just a body for him to use. As he slides into me I close my eyes. Maybe that’s all I’m meant to be? Something he can use at his will and treat like garbage? With each thrust I pinch my eyes closed tighter. Images of Viking smirking at me assault my mind. He was so different this morning than he was last night. It was almost like he hated the thought of me being near him. Maybe I should stay away from the clubhouse for a while? Just as the thought comes to my mind my phone rings in my shorts on the floor. Eric grunts which pulls me back to reality. He pulls out of me and nods to the phone.
“I was finished anyway.”
Of course he was. I roll off of the couch, grab my clothes, and pull my phone out as I do so. Heading toward the bathroom I answer it.