I believed I was destined to Hell for the feelings I had, toward boys and girls. Feelings I couldn’t seem to stop. The guilt was just as heavy on a ten-year-old as it was now, thirteen years later.
“I am guilty of so much,” I said, barely above a whisper.
“No.” Azariah’s eyes were bright and laser-focused. I knew he could see it all. The tainted parts of my soul. The desires that would damn me, no matter how devout I was. “God made you this way. And he made you perfect.”
“How—”
The question evaporated into nothing when Azariah’s lips touched mine. Barely a ghost of a touch at first, just the warmth of his breath. And then the soft, but firm pressure of the most sensual mouth I ever felt.
My lips parted on a gasp of pure shock at first, then the electric desire singing through me at the contact. Azariah’s tongue darted out, searching for mine which couldn’t stop itself from seeking his in return. This was nothing like the fast kiss he planted on me in the chapel. That might have been friendly affection, but this. There was no mistaking this. Heat surged in my body, my injuries all but forgotten as my cock stirred to life. Fuck, this was good. Too good.
I’d only kissed one other person before, and his lips were chapped—the kiss a clumsy rush so as to not get caught. We had been anyway, and then I ended up in this Godforsaken place. The same place where an angel was now caressing my neck and face as he was kissing me, sensual tongue licking as he took soft pulls of my lips.
I never wanted him to stop touching me. Was this what Stavros felt like with Deyva? I’d never fault him again if it felt as good as this. My cock was aching for a hand, a mouth, anything. But a lifetime of shame for my desires, and promises of eternal damnation ever since I understood what Hell was, did not evaporate with a few amazing kisses.
“Az…” I murmured, the first syllable of his name prompting another flick of his tongue inside my mouth. “This…” A light suck at my lip with a graze of teeth. “...is a sin.”
“Is it now?” His voice was low, husky as his mouth skimmed to my neck. “Does it feel like a sin?”
He sucked the skin just above my rapid pulse, sensation and ardent need coursing through me as a moan escaped my throat. My hands had clasped his arms before even realizing I’d held onto him, the hard muscles flexing under my palms.
“Too good to not be,” I sighed, angling my head back despite myself. His mouth felt like heaven on my neck and I wanted more of it. I wanted his mouth on every part of my body and to explore him the same way.
“God made you to enjoy this.” Az returned to my lips with a soft peck. “So enjoy it.”
He cupped the side of my neck for a deeper kiss that I was all too eager to return, his palm sliding over my collarbones and splaying flat on my chest. My heart crashed against his hand as our foreheads touched, his nose nudging mine as he waited.
Azariah was a fucking angel. He wouldn’t be doing this if it was wrong, right? Imperfect as he may be, he still carried out the Word of God, still enforced His divine laws. The scriptures could have been interpreted wrong, with some kind of agenda in mind. Holy beings like angels knew the truth of God’s Word, didn’t they?
My decision made, I pulled him in for another kiss. He let out a pleased hum as he returned it, our tongues mating as our lips slid across each others’. This time I dared to touch more of him, sliding my hands around the top of his back. The edge of my palm grazed where his wing jutted out from his shoulder blade, and he shivered with a moan, breaking our kiss with a loud gasp.
I yanked my hands away. “Did I hurt—”
“No, Zach.” He mouthed down the column of my throat, hands pressing my shoulders in a gentle prompt to lay down. “But every moment you’re not touching me is fucking torture.”
My back now flat to the shitty mattress, the next kiss came from above me as Azariah straddled my hips. His good wing extended over the edge of the bed, as if shielding us from prying eyes. As his body