undressed and into the bathtub, where she played happily with her rubber duck and wand.
“You’re a natural. It’s like you were made for this,” Kyle said from the doorway, leaning against the jamb, watching the two of us.
“Katie makes it easy,” I responded dismissively, feeling that clenching sensation in my belly at his comment.
“No, I think it’s just you,” he argued, coming into the bathroom, and closing the door behind him. Even though the bathroom was fairly large with the claw-footed tub against the back corner and Katie’s changing table by the door, it was still tight for the three of us in there together. I loved this bathroom. Kyle had chosen black and white tile for the floor and a soft green for the walls. He had put up shelving that held pictures of Katie when she was an infant and an assortment of random sea-themed knick-knacks. There was even a giant bay window covered with plantation style blinds for privacy that overlooked the backyard.
“Pay!” Katie declared from the bathtub, rubbing bubbles into her hair.
“She wants you to play with her,” Kyle interpreted, though it wasn’t necessary as I was becoming fluent in Katie language.
“I guess I’m being summoned.” I laughed, kneeling by the tub, filling a plastic cup with bubbles, and dumping them over Katie’s head.
“See, a natural,” Kyle mused, sitting down on the floor beside me. He flicked his fingers in the water, splashing Katie, who laughed harder. “Have you ever thought about having your own?” he asked.
It was a simple question. Not really intrusive given that we were married and all, but it felt invasive. I had spent a long time avoiding that very question.
I hesitated, and Kyle picked up on it immediately. “I shouldn't have asked that. I was being nosy. I’m sorry—”
I couldn’t look at him, so I focused on Katie instead. I squirted shampoo in my hand and slowly worked it into her dark hair, the same color as Kyle’s. She took after him so much that it was hard to see any of Josie in her sweet face.
“I never really thought about it. Kids weren’t in my plan, ya know?” I cleared my throat, the words hard to say. “But that didn’t mean I didn’t want them eventually. I always figured I’d have them someday.”
“You’re young. I get that.” Kyle handed me Katie’s washcloth, and I wiped her face. She was busy slapping her hands into the water that she didn’t mind.
“Not that young, Kyle,” I laughed without mirth.
“You have all the time in the world to have kids. I was just asking if you wanted them. I shouldn’t have. Forget I said anything,” he backpedaled.
Silence.
I could let it go.
Let the dark secret remain where I had kept it all this time.
Buried.
Yet this time, I didn’t want to shove it away. I wanted to share the truth with this man who had opened up his life to me. I wanted to share with him the greatest pain I had ever endured.
So, I opened my mouth and let the truth fly free.
“I was pregnant once. About eighteen months ago,” I said softly. When Kyle didn’t say anything, I went on. “I had a miscarriage. The doctor said I had an abnormally shaped uterus if you can believe it. Apparently, it makes carrying a child to term impossible.” I wiped away the tears before they could fall. “So, no kids for me.”
“I’m so sorry, Whitney. I shouldn’t have brought it up—”
“No, it’s fine. But no one knows.” I looked at Kyle, hating and loving the sympathy on his face. “Not even Mom or Meg, so please can you keep this between us?”
Kyle scooted closer so that our knees pressed together. “I’d never tell anyone, Whit. That’s your business.” He reached out his hand and tucked a strand of my hair behind my ears. It was an instinct to want to move away, particularly when I was feeling so vulnerable, but I didn’t. “Thank you for sharing it with me. I really am so sorry.”
“Thanks.” My lips stretched into what was meant to be a smile. I felt as if I had been cut open, and Kyle could see my insides. It was alien but not entirely uncomfortable. I sort of liked Kyle being able to see me. To understand me.
Together we finished bathing Katie. When the water began to cool, Kyle lifted her out of the bathtub, and I wrapped her in a fluffy pink towel. He carried her to her bedroom, and I