“Here’s to fighting fire with even more fire,” she toasted.
“Here, here!” Meg cheered.
“It’s going to be a goddamn inferno!” Adam shouted. He put the shot glass to his lips and looked at Meg before drinking it. “You okay being the designated driver, babe?”
Meg rolled her eyes. “Oh, I see why I’m here now,” she huffed, but we all knew she didn’t mean it. She waved her hands at all of us. “Drink, drink. Get wasted. Mama Meg will take care of you. This is for our Webber.”
Adam kissed her soundly on the mouth before knocking back his double shot of vodka.
The alcohol worked quickly. I was already slightly buzzed, and the warmth that spread through my body made everything seem hazy. The coiled anxiety that had been sitting like a lump in my stomach all day loosened a fraction. It could be the booze, or it could be the company. Either way, I felt less despondent than I had earlier. Friendship was good for that.
Skylar and I leaned into each other. “So, let’s think. What can we do about this?” Skylar raised her eyebrows, her eyes glittering darkly. “I know some people, Web. The right kind of people if you know what I mean.”
“Okay, okay. I don’t think we need to resort to that kind of solution,” Adam interjected quickly, holding his hand up.
“What kind of solution? What are we talking about?” Meg asked, ever oblivious.
“Nothing, sweetheart,” Adam placated, kissing her temple.
“I think we need more drinks.” Skylar waved down the waitress and put an order for another round.
Thirty minutes later, three out of four of us were starting to feel sloppy.
“You just have to prove you can provide Katie a shtable homeshlife,” Adam stated, his words slurring.
Skylar waved her hands in the air like she was conducting an orchestra. “What do you think he’s been doing, dumb ass? Coaching a rugby team? He’s Mr. Stable. The stableist of stable people. He’s stable with a capital S!”
Meg laughed. “That’s right, Skylar! You need a character witness, you’ve got one right there.” She pointed at our friend, who raised her hands over her head like a prize boxer.
Adam frowned. “No, no. No character witnesses. It’s about proving stuff. You have to show …” His voice drifted off, his eyes focusing on something over my shoulder. I turned to look behind me, but there wasn’t anyone there. He seemed to have zoned out.
“Hello? Anyone there?” I snapped my fingers in his face, and he blinked, giving his head a shake.
Adam glanced at Meg. “I just had a wild thought.”
Meg balanced her chin on her fist and batted her eyelashes at her husband. “Do share what’s in that big ’ol sexy brain of yours.”
Adam lifted a finger in the air. “My brain is huge. And sexy. Like other things.” He winked at Meg, and Skylar and I both made a show of dry heaving.
“Please. Enough of that,” Skylar grimaced.
“Seriously. I’m not nearly drunk enough to hear about Decate’s dick size. Though there was that time he was swinging it around like a helicopter propeller in the changing room at school—”
“This is serious, Webber. I think I have a plan. It’s a great plan too.” Adam cut me off.
“Well, don’t keep us all in suspense. What is it?” Skylar demanded, slamming her hand on the table, making Adam jump.
“Jesus, okay. So, the key is to prove a stable home life. That will sway the judge more than anything,” he began.
“I think I can do. I have my own business. I own my house. My mom watches Katie, and she starts daycare in the fall. She’s way ahead on all her milestones,” I started to say.
“It’s not enough, Webber!” Adam exclaimed, growing excited. “You have to have the whole package. Mom, Dad, white picket fence.”
I frowned. I clearly wasn’t getting it. I must have been more wasted than I realized. “But I’m not married. Neither is Josie for that matter.”
“She’s the mother, though. And she’s proving she’ll do what it takes to provide a home life for Katie. So, you need to up the ante.” Meg, Skylar, and I were looking at Adam as if he had grown a second head.
“You’re not making any sense, Adam. Try spelling it out for the rest of us so we can understand,” Meg said, folding her arms on the table.
“You need to get married,” Adam announced.
There was a moment of silence, followed by us collectively laughing our asses off. Except for Adam. He appeared offended.