I tried to put the conversation with Josie out of my head, but something bothered me about it. It felt as if she were building up to something, which didn’t sit well with me.
I admitted to myself that she sounded better than she had in a while. Clearer. Focused. I was glad she was interviewing for jobs and got a place of her own. I had never cared for her mother, and their relationship wasn’t exactly healthy. But that also meant Josie was staying in Florida indefinitely. And that also meant there were no plans of her being a full-time mom to Katie.
I hated it for my little girl, but it was probably for the best. It was Meg that put it succinctly after Josie left, and I was heartsick worrying whether I was up to the job of being a single dad and whether Katie would suffer for not having a mom in her life.
“Web, it’s better for Katie to be surrounded by people who put her needs first.” We had been sitting out on the patio behind her and Adam’s house. Adam was getting the meat to put on the grill, and Katie, who was only six months old, was wrapped up, asleep, in the pack n’ play I brought with me everywhere.
“That’s easy to say now. But what about later, Meg? What about when Katie is old enough to question where Josie is and why she isn’t around?” I was a wreck. I wasn’t sleeping—Katie was up half the night—and I was scared to death I was going to screw this whole parenting thing up.
Meg reached across the table and covered my hand with hers. Galloway—now Decate—was the touchy-feely kind. She had always been all hugs and squeezes. I was the same. I had always been a physically demonstrative guy. She gave me a sweet smile while gripping my hand. “There are people in her life who love her, who will be there and stay there. Josie bouncing in and out of her life will be worse for her in the long run. And sure, she’ll grow up and wonder where her mother is. She’ll hurt and wonder if she wasn’t enough to keep her around. But she’ll have you, and she’ll know that your love for her is everything.”
I’m not too manly to admit I had to swallow back tears. I had always been emotional, and since Katie entered my life, I became a big pile of mush.
I sat on my bed, still reeling from my conversation with Josie. It was too early to be dealing with this shit.
I stood up and stretched, reaching for the sweatshirt I had flung over the back of the armchair in the corner the night before and pulled it over my head. Careful not to make any noise as I walked past Katie’s room, I tip-toed downstairs. The sun hadn’t come up yet, but the sky was starting to brighten with that early morning hazy light that I saw too often now that I had a kid.
I went to the kitchen and turned on the coffee maker, wiping the last of the sleep from my eyes. While I waited for the coffee to brew, I leaned against the counter and surveyed the large, open room. I remembered when I bought the house. It wasn’t long after I started my business. Josie and I were together, and it was way before Katie.
When I saw that it was going up for auction, I decided to try and buy it. Josie had thought I was crazy.
“It’s a complete pit, Web. Why would you take that on? Why not buy one of the houses they’re building over on Chancery Lane. Chelsea says they’re really nice. She and Adam are looking at maybe buying one.” Of course, Josie was interested in whatever Chelsea told her to be interested in. Josie’s lop-sided friendship with Adam’s now ex-wife had been a source of tension between us from the very beginning. I had never liked Chelsea. Had never understood why Adam was so into her–except for her looks, she didn’t have much else to offer anyone. And Josie had been her minion since high school. But once away from Chelsea, Josie seemed different, which was why I fell into things with her initially. I liked the person she was when all the other people weren’t influencing her in her life.
Regardless of Josie’s feelings on the “pit” of a house, I could see the sturdy