Say Hello, Kiss Goodbye - Jacquelyn Middleton Page 0,96
after Shantelle’s news: film reshoots canceling her Promise Unspoken appearance. Self-soothed with pizza and those UK caramel/chocolate things.
2. Tarquin news, finally! Saz had a meeting with him. He asked after me, making small talk, I guess. He never did answer my email. Did it land in his junk folder? Or maybe he was super busy and then it was too awkward to respond a few weeks later? Or worst of all, did I hurt him? God knows that wasn’t my intention. I hoped we could stay friends. I’d text him, but what if that leads him on? Shit. What should I do?
3. dying my hair red, so my natural color can grow in. Feel like ME again.
4. Simon stocking three of my dresses in his store and Spencer wants all of them! Ha!
5. hockey season ending soon. Ty’s team is out of the playoffs. Hopefully that means no more Tyler on TV until fall.
From: Tarquin Balfour
To: Nick Balfour
Date: Monday, April 1, 2019 at 23:46
Subject: To thine own self be true
Hey Nico, back from Banff yet? Hope your day’s been better than mine. I dropped my phone in the bloody sink tonight. I was taking a shirtless selfie in my bathroom mirror. Go on, laugh your arse off. Yes, I’ve become THAT bloke—phone out, abs flexed, sharing wayyy too much with a woman I barely know.
She’s a journalist I met in the pub. We got chatting and drinking, and our banter quickly swerved into a proposition—from her. I haven’t slept with anyone since Leia, but I politely declined (breakfast meeting at 8 A.M.). Before I left, she asked me to text her a cheeky photo when I got home—and now my naked message is delayed indefinitely (thank fuck!) whilst my soaked phone kips in a bowl of rice. The bugger better wake up! I’ve got photos of Leia on there. (And no, Leia’s pics aren’t nudes.)
What the HELL was I thinking? I know I’ve always been pretty open sexually, but even in the midst of my most promiscuous romps, shirtless selfies and dick pics were NEVER my M.O., and yet tonight I was stripping off, going the whole hog for this girl who, in retrospect, I don’t even fancy. God, sometimes I’m such a tart!
Dex will have a field day with this. We’ve been working on my ‘issues’ concerning self-worth and romantic attachments. I’ve been pushing back a tad, but tonight’s phone fiasco made me realize he’s not talking bollocks. I should stop pandering for affection; I should be myself. It’s the only way I’ll attract someone who’s into the real me. Like Alex. I never pretended with her. Granted, I could be myself because I wasn’t trying to win her over—at least I wasn’t in the beginning. She despised me. I had nothing to lose. But with Leia… I was afraid of losing her from the get-go, and surprise—me saying “Don’t quit your job” pretty much had her running for the exit.
Anyhoo, I’ll keep working on my shit with Mr. Pork Pie hat, see where it leads me.
Hope the Banff Film Festival brought you loads of telly deals. Speak soon, Tarq
From: Tarquin Balfour
To: Nick Balfour
Date: Tuesday, April 2, 2019 at 12:35
Subject: One more thing
Sorry, Nico. Forgot to say, I really appreciate you volunteering to be my agony aunt. And I’ve got some good news! You’ve got company now. I told Harry about my depression and he was a champ. Really supportive. It means a lot, you guys listening without judgment. I know I don’t say it often, but I love you, bro. Miss you. Give my regards to Broadway and all that.
Cheers, Tarq
April 14, I was grateful for:
1. getting my Frill-Seekers Instagram up.
2. I followed Mrs. Chuzzlewit’s Insta (Tarquin didn’t follow my Frill-Seekers account, though).
3. brunch with Alex. She’s casting her play in NYC. Tarquin’s name never came up. Saz hasn’t mentioned him either, but I don’t dare ask. She’ll get all sorts of ideas. I hope he’s okay. Times like this I wish I had a Facebook account.
4. adding eight new designs to my website.
5. the cherry blossoms are blooming in Brooklyn.
6. Dad booking his flight to visit me next week.
7. hooking up with a hot ad exec. The sex wasn’t great, but it scratched an itch, I guess.
May 6, I was grateful for:
1. happy Saz! Jordan is moving in with her. I’m thrilled.
2. catching up on Instagram with my friend Riley.
3. having the guts to send Tarquin a Brooklyn postcard. Just something fun to say ‘Hi! Happy spring.’