Her words were soft, enough to leave him contented—until Cosima charged through his thoughts yet again.
“Is it weighing on your conscience, like you had imagined?” Leila asked. “Killing Antaeus.”
“Would you judge me if I said it wasn’t?”
“The murderous shit deserved to die. He’ll get no pity from me.”
Tobias tensed. “My mother and sister… They were there. Watching.”
Leila’s face dropped. “I would’ve warned you had I known. It was a cruelty I hadn’t predicted. To make your family watch and pass it as privilege… God, it’s vile.”
“I’ve been consumed. Milo died. I’ve nearly died. So much has happened.” His mother’s and sister’s stunned faces clouded his memory. “I don’t want them seeing me like this. As a killer.”
“You’re good, Tobias. They know that. Today changes nothing.”
Tobias’s frame loosened. It was both so hard and so easy to be near her, and he willfully pushed Cosima to the back of his mind. Cleaning her hands, Leila chuckled to herself.
“What?” Tobias asked.
“Nothing.”
“Say it.”
She bit her lip, stifling a grin. “I just can’t believe you kicked him in the ass.”
Tobias let out a laugh. “Are you upset I didn’t punch him in the cock as you suggested? Perhaps that’s why you didn’t enjoy the fight. Not nearly enough cock-punching. I’ll remember that next time. I wouldn’t want to disappoint you again.”
Leila giggled. “You’re bad.”
“You just said I was good.”
“I take it back.” She flashed him a playful glare. “Rotten to the core. That’s what you are.”
God, she’s stunning. Tobias watched shamelessly as she played with her hair, fiddled with her potions—and as she leaned over the table, her breasts creeping past her neckline.
Tobias’s back straightened. Don’t look, but he was already looking, and what little he could see was hypnotizing. Breasts, not large like Cosima’s, but still perfectly lovely, perhaps the exact size to fit in his palms—and then he was thinking about her breasts in his hands. His hands on her breasts.
What are you doing? Look at her face, and so he did, admiring her large eyes, her cute nose, her full, pink lips. Lips. Instantly he imagined kissing them, his mouth traveling to her cheek, her neck, her breasts. Breasts. He was staring at them again, and though he forced himself to look away, Leila still lingered in his mind’s eye, their bodies pressed together, his hands once again on her breasts. Stop it. But his thoughts were polluted, and a dizzying heat tumbled through him. Shit. He clenched his jaw. Don’t get hard. Don’t get hard. Whatever you do, don’t get hard.
Just when he teetered on the verge of self-destruction, Leila reached toward his face, and he recoiled.
Leila froze, shocked—and hurt. You idiot.
“No, Leila, I’m so sorry,” he stammered. “It’s not you, trust me. It’s not you at all.” He sighed, resting his head in his hands. “Goddammit…”
“It’s all right. Things are…complicated. But I do have to touch you.”
Silently hating himself, Tobias dropped his hands, allowing Leila to pat some fragrant cream onto his split lip. He had forgotten how badly his face hurt, but the pain was a whisper compared to his dread.
“I’m supposed to be here for a specific purpose,” he mumbled.
“As am I.”
“And I’m finding myself…distracted.”
Leila looked him in the eye. “As am I.”
The tension became thick. Leila stared at his wound, focusing on her work—perhaps intentionally avoiding his gaze—and Tobias forced himself to speak.
“What I said before the battle—”
“Emotions were high. If you didn’t mean it—”
“I meant it,” he said. “Every word. But truthfully, I fear what would happen if anything were to come of it.”
Leila sighed. “Yes, well…we share that fear.”
She went back to tinkering with her potions, but for once Tobias didn’t watch. I hate this tournament. But he had signed up for it, had volunteered to fight for Cosima. To die for Her. But I didn’t know this would happen. How could I have predicted this?
“I suppose this means we have a decision to make.”
Leila’s voice jolted him—as did her stoic demeanor.
“What’s that?” he asked.
“Whether we should commit to our original purpose…or remain distracted.”
Wait, what? Leila dabbed at the gash in his eyebrow, but he was numb to it. Why are we making decisions?
“You don’t have to decide right now,” she said. “Take your time. Think it through.”
“What about you? This decision isn’t mine alone.”
“I’ll be thinking it through as well.”
Shit. Tobias studied her face, searching for insight. Is she thinking about it now? She looks perfectly calm. Why is she calm? I’m a fucking mess, and