“I know. But this is what I want. I need it, Luc.”
Fuck. I scrub a hand down my face. “You need what, exactly?”
“To be near you. To sleep knowing I’m protected. I’m sick of the nightmares.”
She hits me right where it hurts. One sucker punch after another.
“Please,” she repeats. “Just for one night to see what it’s like.”
Once will never be enough. There’ll be no going back after those flood gates open. Surely she knows that.
I huff out a growl. “Pick the side you want.”
“Thank you.” She walks around the bed, moving away from the door. “Is this side okay?”
None of this is okay, and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it. I can’t bring myself to deny her, though. Or myself. This intimacy is a train wreck waiting to happen.
“Yeah, fine. But you might want to move the gun out from beneath the pillow and stick it under mine.”
She doesn’t show an ounce of shock as she does as instructed, grabbing the weapon tentatively to slide it across the mattress.
I wait until she’s settled, her cheek on my pillow, her long hair spread out behind her before I turn off the light.
I’m not going to get a wink of sleep. Not with her scent on my sheets, her inhales caressing my ears. The hours until sunrise are going to be hell.
I climb into bed in darkness, sticking to the far side of the king-size mattress. There are still two feet of space between us and I’m acutely aware of each millimeter as she sucks in a deep breath and sighs.
“Night, shorty.”
“Night.”
I stare into inky blackness, completely wired.
I spend my time forcing myself to figure out how we’re going to nail the guy who shot at her when we’ve got no description to go on. I think about the leverage tonight will give me over helping her step out of her comfort zone tomorrow. But I also struggle not to think about this all ending soon.
One way or another, this closeness won’t last long.
For her, this is a phase of recovery. She wants me for my protection. Everything else is curiosity. Once Decker finds out, he’ll put a stop to it.
Maybe that’s what I need, too—for him to find out so at least someone has the balls to end this mess.
“Luc?”
“Yeah?” I mutter.
“Can you move closer? Just so I know you’re near.”
Jesus. Fuck. “I swear you were sent from the devil to test me.” I scoot toward her, each inch made with weighty reluctance.
“No. It’s you who were sent from the heavens to get me through my trauma, and this is something I need help with.”
To hell with her logic.
I’m the last person who should be considered heaven sent.
If only she knew the things I’ve done. The people I’ve killed. And the ones I wanted to slaughter before they got away.
I stop a few inches from her, resting on my side to watch her darkened silhouette, the warmth from her body seeping into the sheets and surrounding me. But we don’t touch. I make sure of that. I keep an invisible barrier between us, a firm boundary that she proceeds to shatter to pieces when she shuffles closer, nestling into my chest.
“Relax,” she whispers. “I’m not going to hurt you.”
If only she knew the pounding ache her proximity provides. I hurt everywhere. My legs. My arms. And no place throbs more than my dick. “Get some sleep.”
She releases a weary sigh, resting her face into my chest. “I’m trying.”
I feel for her. I always do.
I wish I could clean away her troubles and make her life effortless. Yet it seems staying here has only caused more problems.
I could’ve lost her tonight, and that fucking scares me. She could’ve been taken in by the cops. Or murdered. My selfishness almost cost this beautiful woman her life, and I’ll never forgive myself.
The guilt is brutal, the pound building in my veins. My thoughts try to convince me she’s already gone despite her body being close to mine.
Slowly, I wrap my arm around her waist, just to hold her. To make sure she’s still whole. Still real.
I don’t know how I’ll let go of her in the morning. I’ll have to pry my fingers from her soft skin.
“Luc?” Her voice is barely audible.
“Yeah, Pen. What’s wrong?”
“I need you to touch me.”
I close my eyes and press my lips to her temple. “I am touching you.”
She sucks in a breath, her exhale ragged. “No. I need you to touch