Saved (Minnesota Caribou #5) - Colleen Charles Page 0,57
sending a confirmation text, so I knew you were coming. Nana had to drag down her medical bag from the attic.”
He has the good sense to look chagrined. “When we… you know… you ran away without saying goodbye. And then you were a little cold to me at the Crazed Corral, so I thought you were still mad at me. I hate it when you’re mad at me.” His eyebrows raise as he hands me a hopeful look when he doesn’t deserve to even entertain that particular emotion. “Remember that time back in high school when I forgot your birthday because I was away with my traveling team and you didn’t speak to me for two weeks? I didn’t think you’d want to talk to me until you were ready. And then I thought about the kids… and I could never let them down. I know you never check your phone during class time, but I had to come and try anyway. So… are you still mad? At me?”
I cross my arms over my chest and tap my toe on the floor. I’m an adult, but he’s still treating me like we’re back in high school as he rambles on and on. This will never work because our friendship without ongoing benefits is frozen in time.
He steps closer and throws his arms out like he’s a human cross. “I know I blew it, Cora. Hit me. Kick me. Whatever you want. Physical pain has to be better than feeling like my heart is a shredded pulp. I can’t live like this with you and I not talking.”
I purse my lips. “Blaine Rice. This is a school. What would my impressionable and young students think if I perpetuated physical violence on you, as much as I might want to?”
“Okay,” he says, his arms dropping to his sides. “You can kick me in the nuts next time you see me. Are you going to the dinner that Max and Sue have planned at Spud’s tomorrow night? Now that everything is settled with Chief, we need to talk. It’s our turn. Please?”
So I’m at the bottom of his list of priorities? I heave a sigh as I realize he’s taking me and our shared history for granted. As much as I want to have a serious talk with this man, this isn’t the time or the place. But tomorrow, despite the crowded and noisy bar atmosphere, I’m getting the closure I so richly deserve even if I have to drag him in the alley to do it. “I am. But only because I love Sue-Ann, Max, and wings. You… you’re gonna have to earn your way back into my good graces. If you even can.”
*****
After my students file out for the afternoon and my classroom goes silent, I sit behind my desk not grading the papers I should be reviewing and thinking about Blaine and his last-minute visit. For a man who’s always shot straight, I can’t understand or get behind this recent and avoidant behavior of his.
It can mean one of two things. Either Blaine wants to take a shot with me, and he doesn’t know how to articulate it, or he doesn’t, and he thinks telling me the truth will ruin our friendship. I don’t really like either option. In the first, he’s not a good enough communicator to be in a relationship—at least not like I need. In the second, he breaks my heart.
It was easy to be mad at him when he was on a road trip and out of mind, but now that I’ve seen his genuine contrition, all my anger and false bravado just kind of fade away as I wonder what he’s thinking. What he’s feeling. It’s hard to stay mad at Blaine when all I want to do is love him. But that doesn’t mean I have to let him off the hook easy.
What if he doesn’t love you back? At least not in the way you want.
Confusion and a lack of transparency seem to be driving both of us and that has to stop if we want any chance of getting our old friendship back.
As Nana always says, the only way out is through. And that means that difficult conversation we’ve both been putting off has to be had sooner rather than later.
No, Cora, it has to happen tomorrow at Spud’s. And you have to tell him the truth. The whole truth. Even if it hurts. Even if it ultimately drives him away.