Savage Urges (The Phoenix Pack #5) - Suzanne Wright Page 0,99
had retreated to their rooms, wanting some private time together. Makenna refused to even consider that she could lose Ryan in the fight. It wasn’t a possibility. Nope. No way. Nu-uh.
He nuzzled her neck. “Stop thinking so hard.”
She would. Nothing good could come of dwelling on the battle ahead. Her worries would only intrude on their time together. “Sorry.” She forced her limbs to loosen as she leaned back against him. “Let’s talk about something to get my mind off the fight.”
That was the perfect opening for Ryan to reveal what was on his mind. “I know why the mating bond hasn’t snapped into place.”
“You do?” Makenna still wasn’t convinced there was one, but she didn’t want to argue.
“It’s an external issue.”
“What does that mean?”
Under the water, he splayed a hand on her stomach. “Deep inside, you worry this pack will betray you the way your childhood pack did.”
Makenna frowned. “No, your pack is good.”
“You’ve just proven my point.”
“Huh?”
“You called it my pack.” She still didn’t see it as hers. It aggravated his wolf.
Squirming, she said, “I’m still adjusting to being part of one, that’s all.”
“Adjusting, or holding back because you fear getting comfortable here in case they turn on you?”
“I don’t fear they’ll betray me. I just don’t really feel part of the pack yet. I can’t explain why.”
“I can. Your fear of being let down again is causing you to hold back.” He licked at his claiming mark. “When it’s gone, it’ll clear the path for the bond.”
“You know, I have to give you credit where it’s due. At no point whatsoever have you ever doubted that we’re true mates. Nothing I’ve said has made any difference. There’s no bond, and yet you’re still unwavering in your belief. It’s admirable.”
He linked their fingers, speaking into her ear. “Do you ever feel something pulling at you? A pressure on your head and chest? I do.” He was pretty sure it was the bond.
Sometimes she thought she did. But admitting that aloud was hard; it could just be setting herself up for disappointment.
“It’s there, Kenna. Waiting.” He kissed her temple. “The pack sees you as one of us. None of them would ever betray you. They’d try to kill anyone who ever hurt you.”
“Try?”
“I’d get there first.” That made her smile. “At least be honest about one thing: you hold yourself back from the pack, don’t you?”
Makenna took a moment to think about it. “I’ve lost most of the things that were important to me. It’s hard to fully trust it won’t happen again.”
He got that. He got why, on one level, she was preparing herself for the disappointment of losing more. He couldn’t blame her. But it was essential to him that she accepted her place in the pack. There were certain to be some casualties during the battle. He needed to know that if anything happened to him, she’d be okay; she wouldn’t be alone, wouldn’t be lost under the grief of losing another person. Right now, he very much doubted that she’d stay in the pack without him. “Promise me one thing.”
She wasn’t sure why, but the hairs on her neck rose. “What?”
“Promise me that if something happens to me—”
“It won’t.”
“Kenna.”
“No. This a pointless conversation because you are not going to die.” And she was done talking about it.
“I need to know that you won’t be alone.”
“I won’t, because you’ll be there.” Pulling out the plug, she got to her feet and stepped out onto the mat. Wrapping a fluffy towel around her, she went into the bedroom. Yes, she was fleeing from the conversation. She refused to even discuss that he might—
Cutting off the thought, she grabbed her brush and began dragging it through her wet hair. Her wolf hunkered down, thoroughly annoyed with her mate for even suggesting the unacceptable. Makenna felt Ryan’s energy beating against her skin before his warm, solid chest pressed to her back. She gave him a sidelong glance. “Are you done talking about morbid shit?”
Ryan took her brush and placed it on the bedside cabinet. “We could instead talk about how it would be better if you stayed inside the caves during the battle.”
“You’re not cutting me out of the fight.” They’d already discussed that. She would not sit here, twiddling her thumbs, while he was in danger.
He curled his arms around her. “We need people to stay inside and protect the others.”
“People have already been assigned to do that.”
“The pups will feel better if you stay with them.”