magic wand she could wave that would make all the complications disappear, she’d jump at the chance to waltz out the front door of this hellhole and go home. Conlan leaned forward, elbows on his knees as he stared down at the floor. “They don’t usually keep prisoners in this facility very long, so I’m guessing you’ll be moved to a high-security prison in the next twenty-four hours.”
She bit her lower lip, trying to hold back her pain. He wasn’t telling her anything she didn’t already know. That didn’t mean she wanted to hear it.
“Once you’re moved, visitations will be pretty limited, so Rose and Maggie will only get to see you every three or four months. Of course, you can always write to them. And once you’ve settled in and earned a few privileges, you might even get to email them. Sometimes they’ll even let prisoners phone family on holidays.”
Why didn’t he just stick a knife in her heart? Didn’t he know that it would kill her to miss so much of the girls’ lives? And as badly as that hurt, it was just as bad knowing this was the last time she’d see Conlan, to have him where she could reach out and touch him.
He turned to face her, his face bleak. “So I have to ask you something, Kat. How am I supposed to explain to Maggie and Rose that you find me so repulsive that you’d rather rot in prison than spend time with me?”
His words lashed at her, their edges sharp and jagged. It was as if her heart were being cut open and bleeding out. She clenched her hands, her nails digging into the palms of her hands to avoid reaching out to him. There was nothing she could do to control her tears.
“Conlan, that’s not it at all. That’s not why I refused the deal Ambrose offered me.”
“Well, I can’t believe you don’t want to be with your nieces, so that leaves me.”
He looked exhausted, as if he hadn’t slept since the other night. Of its own accord, her hand crossed the small distance to rest on his arm. He flinched at her touch but made no move to avoid the small contact. She owed him the truth.
She rose to her feet and stepped over to the cell door and looked to her heart for the right words to say, to somehow ease his pain. Finally, she looked at him as she leaned against the iron bars for support.
“You’re right, Conlan. I turned down Ambrose’s offer because of you, but not for the reason you think. Your life changed for the worse from the minute our paths crossed three years ago. I won’t buy my own freedom at the cost of yours.”
He exhaled sharply. “What the hell are you talking about?”
Surely Ambrose had explained everything to him. “If they were to offer me parole, someone has to take responsibility for monitoring my actions, maybe even permanently.”
“So he told me.”
Words came hard. “I am furious that they tried to foist that duty off onto you simply because you’re Rafferty’s head of security.”
Conlan looked incredulous. “So? Do you doubt that I would do my job?”
By now, he was on his feet and standing close enough that she could feel his body heat. The memory of how it felt to be held in those strong arms, to hold him close, to savor the feel of his body against hers was pure torture.
“Never! I’ve never once doubted your honor.”
“Then what’s the problem, Kat?”
She owed him the truth. “You matter to me, Conlan. You deserve to be free to make your own choices, and I won’t do anything that interferes with that. It’s one thing if they said my sentence was a year, maybe two, but life? What would you do if you wanted to move back to New Eire? Or if you met someone, and she didn’t want to live out on the estate?”
Although the thought of him with someone else made her physically ill. Suddenly, Conlan grinned. What was so funny? Then it hit her. Please, someone tell me I didn’t say that last part out loud.
Unfortunately, judging from the smug look on Conlan’s face right now, she had. What could she do now? He stepped closer, hovering over her, crowding her.
“So, Kat, I’ll tell you what. Rather than trying to protect me from myself, let’s pretend that I’m free to make my own choices. Ask me what I want to do with my life.”