but I could feel him, the heat coming off his body mixing with mine. His breath making patterns in the air. That spicy scent of his, pulling me in.
“Julian?”
“I just want—”
What did I want? Something, anything to make this feeling go away. If only for a night. I could go back to needing again in the morning, but for one moment, one minute, I just wanted to feel less alone.
I opened my eyes. Tears made Connor’s face blurry in my vision, but he was so much closer than I’d realized. He put his other hand over mine. Squeezed it.
“Jules?”
I leaned in and kissed him.
11
Connor
Julian’s lips pressed against mine, so softly that I froze. He must have seen my eyes go wide, because he pulled back immediately.
But not too far back.
We stared at each other for a second, and I scarcely dared to breathe. Julian didn’t move away, and neither did I, and I’m not sure who leaned forward next, but we were kissing again, and this time it wasn’t soft at all.
It was desperate. Needy. And it didn’t come close to quieting the furnace of desire raging at my core.
Julian’s hands were everywhere. Touching my cheek, tangling in my hair, pulling me tighter to him. I wondered if he felt it, too. That fire inside that cried out not for water but for more kindling. More oxygen. More.
We tumbled sideways, facing each other on his bed. I stroked my thumb along his cheekbone. Julian’s hand strayed down and kneaded my lower back, then dipped lower still. He tugged me closer, pressing our bodies together, and my bones melted as he stroked up and down my spine.
I kissed his neck, reveling in his soft skin, and nipped right above his collarbone. Julian moaned and tipped his head back to give me better access. His fingers tugged at the bottom of my t-shirt and God, why were either of us still wearing clothes?
I slid my hands underneath his shirt, tracing his taut stomach with my fingers and aching to repeat the action with my lips. Julian tugged at my shirt again, pulling it upwards. I wanted—no, I needed to—
“Wait,” I panted. The word sprang from my lips unbidden, but I pressed my hand against Julian’s, stilling him. He looked up, pupils blown wide with desire.
“What?” he asked.
“What are we doing?” I didn’t want to ask. Didn’t want to talk at all. But agreeing to be friends was one thing. This was something different.
Sure, I wanted it. My cock ached, desperate for attention. But I didn’t want to make things worse for either of us later.
“I don’t know,” Julian whispered. His hand traced a circle across my lower back.
“This is probably a bad idea.” I had to force myself to say it, and I couldn’t keep my lips from brushing a kiss across his afterward.
“I know.”
Julian’s breath was short and wild. I could feel his heart pounding against mine. I had to pull back now, put a stop to this, or it was going to hurt in the morning. I caught his lips with mine instead.
Consequences were for when the sun came up.
For tonight, Julian whimpered in pleasure as I nipped at his lower lip, pulled it out and released it, licked into his mouth. For tonight, that was all that mattered.
His hands tore at my shirt and before I had a moment to feel shy, to wonder if he still wanted me the way I wanted him, or to even acknowledge that I hadn’t been with another guy in ages, we were both naked. Julian was as hard as I was, and any awkwardness was forgotten as I brought our cocks together and stroked.
Julian shivered, his body shaking in my arms. He pulled my leg up and over his, his hand cupping my ass again. His fingers slid inwards, then circled my hole, and my breath hitched. Fuck, I wanted him inside me.
I stroked us faster. Precum dripped liberally from my cock and I used it to slick our skin. We could stop and get lube. Stop and have a talk about condoms. But stopping meant we might never start again. My body refused to accept that possibility, and Julian didn’t seem like he wanted to slow down either.
It should have been awkward, this tangle of limbs, our bodies at once familiar and foreign to each other. We’d grown since the last time we lay in bed together like this. I wasn’t even sure what Julian still liked. For all I knew,