guilt spiral. “Now’s not the time for that. You were at Regionals, for her. Obviously you cared.”
“That doesn’t count for anything. I didn’t do anything for her.” Julian’s lips twisted bitterly as he dropped his hands, staring at them. “I knew something was wrong as soon as I got there. She was so tense, she wouldn’t take the food I’d brought her even though she’s always hungry, and she fell during rehearsal and my dad just yelled at her.”
“Jesus.”
“I didn’t realize what was going on until it was too late. She fell again. During the competition. Passed out. Because—because she hasn’t been eating.” He turned to me, his face a picture of horror. “She has two broken ribs, because my dad was pushing her to perform when she was hurt. And he hasn’t been feeding her.”
“What?”
“My dad won’t let her eat. He’s been restricting her diet. Weighing her every day. And if she weighs too much—” Julian looked so broken. “She hadn’t eaten in twenty-four hours, when she fell. The hospital said she’s underweight. Not just skinny. Malnourished. Like what you see with eating disorders.”
“Shit.”
“My dad lost it, when she fell. When the EMT asked how long it had been since she’d eaten, he didn’t want her to answer. It was clear that she was terrified of him, and he kept saying he was going to take her home, that she didn’t need to go to the hospital and I—he almost hit me. In a room full of people. When I said I wanted her to come live with me.”
“Oh, Julian.”
“She’s been injured for weeks, the doctors said. Practically starving for God knows how long. And I didn’t see it. She needed help, and I didn’t even see it.”
It made me sick, thinking of parents treating their kid like that. And seeing the way it was destroying Julian took a carving knife to my heart.
“She’s staying here with you for the night?” I asked.
“She’s staying here until she wants to go back to our parents’ house, which I very much hope is never.” Julian’s voice took on a touch of heat. “I’m going to have to get in touch with a lawyer. And we’ll have to go to the police, but I’m—I’m not going to let him get away with this anymore.”
“I’m so sorry.” I wished there were something else I could do, something I could say that would help.
“Why?” Julian asked, his lip curling in disgust. “You should be angry with me. You were right—about everything—and I didn’t see it. I should have pressed for guardianship years ago, but I was stupid enough to think I had my dad under control.” Tears sprang to his eyes. “He’s been abusing her, Connor, and I just let it happen.”
“You didn’t let it happen. You didn’t know.”
“But I should have.” His voice was thick with self-loathing. “You knew my dad was never going to change. But I was stupid enough to think I could keep him from—fuck—”
Tears spilled from the corners of his eyes and he pressed his palms to his face again. I couldn’t take it anymore. I needed to hold him. Words could only do so much, and I needed to tell him with every muscle I had that it was going to be okay.
I put my left arm around his shoulders, rubbing his arm gently. An invitation for more contact, if he wanted it. Julian folded himself against my chest, and I wrapped my other arm around him. Leaned back on the couch and pulled him with me. Stroked his back, and whispered words I knew he wasn’t even hearing.
It’s okay. You’re okay. It’s going to be okay.
I didn’t know how long we sat like that. It didn’t matter, though. This was where I was supposed to be.
“You must hate me,” Julian whispered, some time later.
“What?” I rubbed his back. “Why would I hate you?”
“Because of all the stuff I said. I was so sure I was right, and I said you couldn’t understand.”
“Julian, come on. We don’t need to get into this now. That stuff isn’t important.”
“But I was the one who was wrong. I’m so sorry. I should have listened to you.”
“Well, if you’d listened to me, you might have left with me years ago. And then Katie wouldn’t have anyone right now.”
“But when we fought. You said I kept moving the goalposts, and you were right. If I hadn’t—”
“Julian, I was angry. Angry and hurt. And when I said those things, I was trying to hurt