Ryan didn’t have a funeral in Brooklyn. As soon as his parents got his body back from the morgue, they moved back to North Carolina, convinced of the dangers of the big city.
Flanked by Layla and Kurt, we file into the auditorium, which is full to the brim with kids.
“Are you okay?” Layla asks, crossing her fingers with mine.
“No.” I hate the way the swim team is looking at me. The day I left for the Vanishing Cove, we had our final meet. We wouldn’t have swum, not without Ryan, but I’m their captain. Was their captain. “I shouldn’t be here.”
“Yes, you should.”
For a second, Angelo stares at me with that way he has, like he can’t decide if he’s going to deck you in the face or shake your hand. Then again, Angelo doesn’t shake hands. Everything about him— his messy button-down, the gelled hair that feels like a helmet to the touch—is comforting. No matter what, he’ll never change who he is to the core. Then he grins and pulls me into a man-hug.
“Can you believe Principal Quinn asked me to give a speech?” Angelo holds out his fist and I bump it.
Principal Quinn finishes setting up the microphone. Angelo puts on his game face. The real concentrated kind he reserves for meets or when he’s on lifeguard duty. People can say a lot about Angelo: he’s a player; he probably stole your lunch money at least once in first grade; he chews with his mouth open; and he doesn’t stop to think about what he wants to say. But when it comes to being your friend, he’s your friend for life.
“Uhh, I don’t really need an introduction,” he says into the mic as he loosens his tie from the knot his mother probably redid three times. “We’re here to talk about Ryan Morehouse. I met Ryan freshman year. He was this dorky little thing. I-I made him buy me lunch sometimes because I knew he was so happy to have a friend, you know? One time, I went out with this girl he liked. I sort of knew he liked her, but he still didn’t turn on me like Tristan.”
I sink down in my seat. “I’m pretty sure it was the other way around.”
“Don’t worry you’re still my boy, T.” He pounds his fist on his chest, then points to me so that everyone turns to snigger.
Angelo’s voice trembles and I realize he needs to make fun of something; otherwise he won’t get through it. “Anyway. Ryan still helped me with my homework because he knew I wasn’t so good. All week I’ve tried to replay that night in my head. I try to put myself in a different location. Maybe if I wasn’t so busy trying to protect a stranger, I could’ve had his back. Maybe—who knows, right? All I know is we were a team, and Ryan was always on our side.
“We used to call him Wonder Ryan, ’cause you know, he was so vanilla. All nice and proper and stuff. But now, we should still call him that because he risked his life, like a superhero.
“I make a promise to my friend, right here and now. I never knew what I wanted to do with my life. Now I know. Maybe I’ll be a cop like my brothers, maybe those cool FBI guys. I just know I’ll make sure that what happened to Ryan doesn’t happen to anyone else.”
The auditorium cheers. One after another, they go up there and talk about him. How awesome he was. How cool. How nice. How cute. I refuse to go up because I know I’d get up there and say one thing: “I’m sorry.”
Coach Bellini gets up and accepts the Triborough trophy. The other team forfeited before we could. Four boys from their team went missing, and only one washed up on the New Jersey side of the river. The other three are still out there. Coach reminds us to be safe this summer and to come back stronger next year.
Layla squeezes my knee. “I can’t go up, either.”
“Can you believe it?” I say. “Angelo with a gun.”
“Hey, everyone has a calling.” She turns to me and kisses my cheek.
Angelo hops right off the stage and lands in front of us. He flicks an accusing finger between our faces. “Layla, did you hit your head or something?”
I get up and pull him into a fake headlock, our way of greeting each other every swim practice. The