“Excellency,” the swine said, “carrying out the sandalwood death will require a thick post with a crossbar on top of a high wooden platform, with an access plank on one side.”
“Make a drawing and give it to the County Magistrate for construction,” Yuan said.
The swine said, “I will also require two stakes made of the finest sandalwood and shaved down like spikes. Your humble servant will personally do the work.”
“The County Magistrate will see to that,” Excellency Yuan said.
Then the swine said, “I will also require two hundred jin of refined sesame oil.”
Excellency Yuan laughed. “Are you planning to fry Sun Bing to go with fine spirits?”
“Excellency,” the swine said, “after the stakes are properly carved, they must steep in sesame oil all day and all night if they are to slip through the body without soaking up blood.”
“Have Gaomi County take care of everything,” Yuan said. “Is there anything else? Now is the time to give me the complete list.”
The swine said, “I will also require ten strips of leather, a wooden hammer, a rooster with white feathers, two red felt caps, two pairs of high-top boots, two sets of black clothing, two red satin sashes, two bull’s-ear daggers, plus a hundred jin of white rice, a hundred jin of wheat flour, a hundred chicken eggs, twenty jin each of pork and beef, half a jin of top-quality ginseng, a medicinal pot, three hundred jin of kindling, two buckets, a water vat, and two woks, one large and one small.”
“What do you need ginseng for?” Excellency Yuan asked.
The swine said, “Hear me out, Excellency. The subject’s stomach will not be affected by the insertion of the stake, but there will be a significant loss of blood, and keeping him alive will require a daily infusion of ginseng. That is the only way your humble servant can ensure that the subject will last five days.”
Excellency Yuan said, “Can you guarantee that he will not die for at least five days with the infusion of ginseng?”
“Your humble servant guarantees it,” the swine replied emphatically.
Excellency Yuan said, “Gaomi County, go make a list and have it filled without delay!”
The swine would still not rise.
“Rise,” Excellency Yuan said.
But the swine kept knocking his head on the floor.
“That’s enough,” Excellency Yuan said. “I don’t want you to break that dog head of yours. Now listen carefully. If you satisfactorily carry out this assignment, I will reward you, father and son, with one hundred ounces of silver each. But if something goes wrong, I will have you both speared with sandalwood stakes and hung on posts until you are desiccated corpses!”
With one last resounding kowtow, the swine said, “Thank you, Excellency.”
“Gaomi County,” Excellency Yuan said to me, “the same goes for you!”
I said, “Your humble servant will spare no effort.”
Yuan stood up and, together with von Ketteler, started out of the hall. But he had taken only a few steps when he turned back, as if he’d forgotten something. “Gaomi County,” he said nonchalantly, “I hear you have brought Liu Peicun’s son here from Sichuan and given him an official position. Is that true?”
“Yes, Your Excellency,” I replied frankly. “Liu Peicun was from Fushun County in Sichuan Province, where I was once posted. When his widow and family returned to Fushun with his coffin, I paid my respects as someone who was born in the same year as he and made a gift to the family of ten ounces of silver. Not long after that, his grieving widow passed away, but not before turning her son, Liu Pu, over to my care. When I saw how intelligent and conscientious he was, I gave him a job in the county yamen.”
“Gaomi County, you are a straightforward man of integrity,” His Excellency said somewhat enigmatically, “not someone who curries favor with the powerful, a man with a big heart. But you show a lack of judgment.”
I laid my head against the floor and said, “Thank you, Excellency, for your instruction.”
“Zhao Jia,” Excellency Yuan said, “you are the sworn enemy of Liu Pu for killing his father!”
The swine’s clever response was, “I was carrying out Her Royal Highness’s decree.”
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4
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Dear wife, why aren’t you pouring? Pour! Fill them up! Let’s drink. You are so pale. Are you crying? Don’t cry, dear wife, I’ve already decided what to do. I’ll make sure those hundred ounces of silver never reach that swine and that von Ketteler’s plot falls through. And I will stop