The Same Place (The Lamb and the Lion #2) - Gregory Ashe Page 0,131
enormous.”
“No such bird,” Tean called without looking back.
“But if the coast is clear, I’ll do three whooping cries like the tiger-faced bull walloper of Sierra Leon.”
He could hear Tean’s sigh all the way from the porch. When the doc had passed out of sight, Jem pulled out his picks and went to work on the locks. He listened for any sounds of alarm, but the neighborhood remained quiet. After a few minutes, the door popped open—the locks were old, and they didn’t give any trouble.
Leaving the door open behind him, Jem moved into the smell of cheesy processed snacks, body odor, and wet dog. The lights were off, but enough sunlight made its way through the windows that Jem could tell that the living room was empty except for the wall of photographs. The eyes of dogs, cats, hamsters, gerbils, ponies, parakeets, and more stared down at Jem. He passed into the kitchen, which was long and galley style, with melamine countertops the color of old ivory. Shelf-stable food covered the counters: jars of peanut butter, loaves of bread, bags of potato chips, jars of pickles and olives and pimentos. In the sink, two plates and a dog’s bowl waited to be washed. A breakfast table had been crammed up against the back wall, where a sliding door opened onto the yard. Jem rapped on the glass.
Tean’s head whipped up, and his glasses flew off his face. Then he patted the grass around where he was squatting, grimacing, and—to judge by the shape of his mouth—swearing.
After knocking loose the dowel that lay in the track, Jem opened the door and said, “Sorry. To your left. No, your other left. Oh, I mean, to your right.”
Tean definitely said something that time.
“Was that a naughty word?” Jem said.
Shoving the glasses onto his face, Tean got to his feet. He was holding something. “What are you doing?”
“Investigating. I’m a private detective now.”
“No, you’re not. Private detectives are licensed and don’t break the law. You’re—”
Jem waited.
“Well, I don’t know what you are. A lot of trouble.”
“The f-word is a dollar in our Disneyworld fund.”
Tean glared as he approached.
“In case you forgot,” Jem offered.
“What do you think about this?” Tean asked, holding up white fluff.
Jem touched it. It was synthetic, matted in places, dirty from where it had lain in the yard. “Dog toy guts. Scipio was covered in this stuff the other day after he ripped open your sex doll.”
“What?”
“That sex doll. The guy with the big muscles and skimpy shorts, you know, you can kind of see his dick.”
“That was a dog toy. And you can’t see his—never mind.”
“I know, I know. Good cover. Like those dildo melon ballers.”
“It came in a themed package.”
“What was the theme? ‘I’m eating melon balls while riding this schlong?’”
“It was a beach theme package. Of dog toys. He’s a lifeguard. He came with a toy whistle.”
“I don’t know,” Jem said, rubbing his chin. “I’ve never seen anybody use a dildo on a beach. Not in public anyway.”
Tean was making a high-pitched noise in his throat as he pushed Jem out of the way and went into the house. Jem tried not to laugh as he pulled the door shut and kicked the dowel back into place.
They moved through the house together: a hall bathroom, a bedroom that had been converted to an office—judging by the ancient computer and the amount of dust, not much work was getting done—and then the next bedroom. Jem gagged when Tean opened the door.
“Geh. What is that?”
“Dog,” Tean said, waving a hand to clear the air as he stepped into the room. The only item was a dog kennel, which Tean inspected for a moment. Then he moved to the closet, slid open the doors, and glanced around. After a few more minutes, he looked back at Jem. “You’re just going to stand there?”
Jem nodded.
“Is it the smell?”
Jem nodded. Pinprick sweat had broken out on his forehead, and he had to fight the urge to wipe it.
“Just close the door. You can look in the next room if you want.”
“No, I’ll wait.” Then, because he couldn’t resist, “This smell, I’ve kind of—is he neglecting the dog? Keeping it trapped in here? LouElla never let her dog out of the basement. That’s why the poor thing was insane.”
Tean shook his head. “I hate people like that. I don’t understand it, the cruelty of it. And I know—I know she was a lot worse to you, I know animals aren’t people. But I just