The Same Place (The Lamb and the Lion #2) - Gregory Ashe Page 0,126
couch, hands on his knees, every line in his body tight. He had a little furrow between his eyebrows. He looked sad and hopeful, which meant he looked normal. He was wearing Keens, cargo pants, and a DWR shirt. All khaki again.
“Oh,” Jem said. “Hi.”
“Hi.”
“I guess Tinajas isn’t up here.”
“She said something, but it was mostly swear words, so I don’t really know what she was telling me.”
“That sounds about right.” Jem moved to stand where he could see Tean better. He leaned on an armchair, keeping the furniture between them. “I guess she called you.”
“Yes.”
“I shouldn’t have done what I did,” Jem said.
At the same moment, Tean said, “I shouldn’t have done what I did.”
Jem smiled. Tean laughed nervously and then covered his mouth.
“Me first,” Jem said. “I’m sorry for what I said to you, for all those horrible things. I’ve been trying to figure out a way to explain it. First I thought about that dog Toby, the one at the tow yard. Then I tried to read about animals; I wanted to find a way to make it make sense. The best I could come up with was the Malaysian ant.”
“Oh,” Tean said, his eyes suddenly wet. “Jem.”
“You know about them?”
“Autothysis. Suicidal altruism. They explode in self-defense, covering predators with toxic chemicals.”
Jem nodded. “I knew you would. Everything . . . everything was closing in on me. Ammon. You. Other things. And I exploded. I wanted somebody else to hurt for a while, even if it was self-destructive. Maybe because it was self-destructive. That doesn’t make it ok; that’s not what I’m trying to say. Hell, I don’t even know what I’m trying to say.”
“Jem—”
“And the thing with Ammon and the key and the note, I don’t know why I did it. I’m sorry I did it. I know trust is a big thing for you—I mean, I guess it’s a big thing for everyone—and I just keep breaking your trust. So, I just wanted to say I’m sorry and I know we probably can’t be friends anymore.
“I know why you did it,” Tean said. “You thought you were protecting me.”
Jem gave a one-shouldered shrug. “I think I did it for a lot of reasons. I also did it because if I’m being perfectly honest, I hate Ammon. I hate him. I don’t ever want you to be around him again. But I know that’s not my choice.”
“No,” Tean said. “It’s not.” Then he drew a deep breath and said, “I shouldn’t have—I shouldn’t have said what I did. I shouldn’t have thrown you out. You’re my best friend, and I should have listened to you. I should have at least given you the benefit of the doubt.”
“I’m your best friend?” Jem said, feeling a real smile start.
“Only for the extent of this conversation. Then I’m downgrading you to normal, regular friend again.”
“I’m ok with that.” Jem blew out a breath. “And in the interest of full disclosure, I was also tired of seeing how Ammon has all the things you want in a guy, and I’m this fuck up who needs you to cosign for an apartment.”
“Ammon has all the things I want in a guy?”
“He’s got a job, he’s got health insurance, he’s got a checking account, he’s got a 41k.”
“401k,” Tean said with a smile. “And actually, he doesn’t. He has a pension.”
“And then he got the apartment, and it was too much. I mean, fuck, I can’t even get a Kohl’s credit card. I know that’s important to you, and I’m trying to figure it out, but it’s just such a fucking mess.”
“That stuff doesn’t matter to me.”
“Ok.”
“It doesn’t. Why do you think that? Did I tell you that it did? Is that how I act?”
“Aside from your extravagant lifestyle, you mean? The shopping. The designer clothes. The expensive wine. The mini mansion.”
“Jem.”
“Aside from working on reading, that’s what you’re always trying to fix in my life. An apartment. Insurance. A job. God, that job at Snow’s? I hated that job. Hated it. I mean, I wasn’t bad at it. But I hated it. That’s not me, but I did it because I knew you wanted me to be that kind of person, and I’m honestly afraid that I can’t.”
“Jem, I don’t want you to be anything but what you are. I just—” Tean cocked his head, as though trying to evaluate something. “I honestly didn’t realize I was pressuring you. I’m sorry. What I said the other day, what I said about