munching filled the room, and he felt that, too: her teeth, her tongue. Her wet eyelashes made him feel weak.
She was wearing her hair up today. Cole tried not to stare too obviously at her ears. (Sketching her once, he’d been struck by the thought that some ears, at least, really could be compared to seashells.)
She thumbed crumb dust from her lower lip and said, “I know you’re a good boy, Cole.”
Talking down to him: something she’d stopped doing recently, making it all the more humiliating for him to hear her do it now.
“Like, maybe you saw something or heard something you’re too young to understand?”
Cole nodded, then blushed in confusion because of course he hadn’t meant to agree with this.
“I’d never ask you to lie for me. But remember, a promise is sacred.”
This time his nod was emphatic. He wanted nothing more than for her to understand that her secret was safe with him.
“If you were older,” she said, “I could explain everything.” Something withered in him. She was brushing him off, like the cookie crumbs. But at least she wasn’t upset anymore. At least he hadn’t blown everything and made an enemy of her.
She opened the cookie jar again and took out another Oreo. But this time, instead of eating it herself, she offered it to Cole. He didn’t want it, he had no saliva in his mouth, the cookie tasted like grit, but he ate it anyway because he thought this was what she wanted. What a wonderful life that would be: day after day, doing nothing but what she wanted. “All I can tell you is, something awesome is going to happen.”
She was smiling, her head tilted to one side, watching him as if she was seeing something curious about him, or something she hadn’t noticed before. He thought she had never looked so soft. She had never looked so beautiful. Something awesome is going to happen. Something awesome was happening right now. She was standing just inches away from him. He thought he smelled peaches. He held the cookie mush in his mouth, unable to speak, unable to swallow.
She lifted her shoulders high and then dropped them again, an exaggerated gesture, followed by an exaggerated sigh. “I was just thinking how much love for you there is in this house.” She gazed upward, as if this love were something that could be seen, a pink cloud floating by . . . Cole pretended to see it, too. She said, “I feel so blessed that you’re part of my family.”
Touch me, his heart boomed. And to his astonishment she did. She put her arms around him, and because she was wearing her hair up today he was able to press his face right into the curve of her neck, where it fit like a puzzle piece. Not marble-cool like he’d always imagined, but very, very warm. She squirmed when she felt his lips move, and then, as if she’d heard a scream for help or smelled something burning, she broke free and fled the room.
Cole waited for gravity to pull him earthward again. He spat the half-chewed cookie into his palm and threw it into the trash. A tingling sensation low in his belly made him want to get behind a closed door as quickly as possible. But first he checked his e-mail.
Still no message from Addy.
THE MESSAGE WAS THERE the next morning. Addy was back in Berlin.
I could not stay in that horrible place even one more day. It was bad enough the power kept failing, but then so many fire hydrants were being opened all over town we didn’t have any water, and they were saying the heat might not break for another week. Lara left first. She went to stay with some friends outside the city, and I was too scared to stay alone. I’ve never seen such chaos, not even when I had the flu. I was amazingly lucky to get on a flight. I had to pay a huge fee—a bribe is what it really was—but I couldn’t lose this chance to get out while the airport was operating, as it hadn’t been for days. I felt like I was escaping from some banana republic.
But she did not want Cole to think she had abandoned him.
Of course, I still want you to come live with me. That’s not going to change. But in the end it’s going to be up to you. If it comes to court, the judge will say